FOOTBALL

Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football League Week Five Round Up

Saints demoralise Villa. Utd win at Anfield. Chelsea top the league. Newcastle get a clean sheet. Lescott is still ugly as fvck. Week 5 Sick Chirpse League Round Up.

Week 5 has finished and I gotta eat my words only a couple of weeks down the line as the terribly named Prison Break FC have risen once again to the tip top of the league. With the highest points score this week of 64 to take him to 260 points all in all and 2500th in the country (there’s fvcking 200,000 or some shit all together), Tom Sands is pretty much repping it at the top – and – in all fairness to the guy he also called me a dickhead on the last article that Tim had  the decency to put up for Week 4 so at least he’s got an attitude problem to boot. Just to remedy your mindset on the old fantasy football, the difference between his team and yours is  that he doesn’t have any weak links.

Here’s the heroes and zeroes of Week Five in that order.

BIG HITTERS:

“Leighton Baines, I bet you think this song is about you, Leighton Baines. I bet you think this song is about you, don’t you, don’t you.”  I don’t know how vain he is or if Carly Simon would approve of the Toffees nicking her song but Leighton Baines really is bossing it in the Prem, as are Everton. With a clean sheet and two assists to boot he makes his 4.1 million price tag seem like an absolute bargain and a must have for any team who wants to challenge at the top of the Sick Chirpse league. Branaflake Ivanovic has another dynamite display at the back for Chelsea and amasses a total of 9 points for the week meaning that he is now the highest scoring player in the world of fantasy football. He also is managing to make it into the area a couple of times a game to practise his swan dive and is immune from getting yellow cards for it so hurry up and shove him in your team.  The other big hitter for the week is the big 15 million pound man, Steven Fletcher, who banged yet another goal in to keep Sunderland on as good form as he could hope after his big money switch from Wolves. His tatts might be shit and he might possibly be Jason Barnum’s doppelganger but they’ve got Wigan at home next week and he is bound to knock a couple in for jokes.

BIG SHITTERS:

There was Nathan Dyer and his two pathetic yellows, Jonjo offering out Fergie after costing Liverpool their first victory of the season, but of course the real big shitter of this week was Aston Villa FC. From the long lost days of Dalian Atkinson, Dwight Yorke and Lee Hendrie come the new breed of turds who are hoping to drag this fine Midlands football club into the depths of relegation. From Ciaran Clark doing his best to get all over the big shitters again with his second own goal of the season to Guzan letting slip everything that came within grasp Villa managed to give Southampton their first win of the season. Any team who are letting slip a lead and allowing a newly promoted team to bash 4 goals past them need a real talking to – I just don’t think Paul Lambert is the guy to do it – maybe  they should get Rickie Lambert as player manager…

So that’s Week Five finished boys and girls — now it’s time for everyone below 5th place to pull your socks up and stop fvcking about – 5th place is a bird whose team name resembles TOWIE – need I say more. Step up SickChirpsers and check where you’re at:

Sick Chirpse

PIN: 8009937

POS Manager Team name Total points Week pts Starting
XI pts
Starting
XI pos
Goals Goal Pos Overall Position
1 Tom Sands Prison Break FC 260 64 221 5051 15 9889 2554
2 Gavin Rapaport Poo 251 43 190 28742 17 2589 4316
3 Huw Barker HavantGotAClueVille 250 50 250 585 19 587 4565
4 Trevor Brenson RJBs XI 238 44 238 1547 14 17550 8910
5 Emma Craig The Only Way Is Emma 234 51 194 23623 13 28989 11216
6 Tom Shipley Apocalypse Dudes 223 39 189 30168 17 2589 20247
6 Alex Prince Prince Boatengs 223 29 194 23623 15 9889 20247
8 Luke Skidmore bunchofslugs 215 38 188 31695 16 5271 29699
9 Daniel Ostridge Ajax Treesdown 213 17 192 26076 13 28989 32560
10 Peter Jones Joner 208 32 187 33181 13 28989 40526
11 Richard Dulieu Dyslexic CF 206 36 206 12493 9 115128 44030
12 Piers Dixon Dixon Balls FC 204 42 184 38000 10 89107 47485
13 Johnny Callow Room 362 202 50 199 18241 9 115128 51306
14 Terry Buckingham Real Madras 196 33 163 83440 12 44953 63726
14 Dan Filer ClubTropicanaDrinkFC 196 51 196 21298 12 44953 63726
14 James Blundell Blundells boys 196 43 168 70909 11 65385 63726
17 Dave Ward Pimp My Side 195 37 168 70909 13 28989 65935
18 Shane Tremlin Trems Trash 185 48 174 57167 10 89107 89870
18 Billy Mclean Barcemoaner 185 35 197 20254 11 65385 89870
20 Ross Stearny stearnpots barmyarmy 184 32 196 21298 12 44953 92368
21 Huw E Dynamo Kebab 183 43 153 110831 8 141877 94893
22 AlexanderMark Jones Dunblane Massacres 182 31 152 113670 10 89107 97350
23 Neil Williams Lumpers and Kickers 181 40 143 139083 9 115128 99946
24 Anthony Ward Park Ji Wonders 180 36 181 43140 10 89107 102519
25 Alex Crawshaw Crawshaw’s Commies 177 32 133 166122 12 44953 110212
25 Daniel Guy Dans witwickys 177 33 177 50893 8 141877 110212
25 Ross Williams Tepee Town FC 177 39 149 122077 10 89107 110212
28 Bobby Peliza bObbyDazzlers 176 38 160 91524 8 141877 112779
28 Jeff Ingle Jeffentus 176 57 116 202939 8 141877 112779
30 David Williams Muffin stuffers 175 39 151 116522 13 28989 115509
30 Charlie Hey tiki taka jazz cats 175 28 175 55140 10 89107 115509
32 Matthew Stewart FC Boosh 174 46 158 96952 10 89107 118154
32 Michael Magee Mickey T FC 174 41 167 73277 8 141877 118154
34 Robbie Atkinson diables Rouges 173 52 143 139083 8 141877 120751
35 Ryan Williams Dirty Buffalo 172 44 168 70909 5 209738 123373
36 Mark Endicott Real Madreadfull 170 32 108 214767 12 44953 128576
37 Max Sheppard Fred West Ham 169 33 132 168641 9 115128 131223
38 Lee Walsh KeansaKunt 168 42 128 178420 11 65385 133801
38 Shaun Williams The Galacticos 168 37 139 150197 5 209738 133801
40 John Ryan Obi – 1 Kanobi – 0 167 22 167 73277 8 141877 136398
40 Nikul Patani Brown Bear United 167 35 167 73277 10 89107 136398
42 Elliott Henderson Barsenal 166 34 145 133412 6 190488 139001
43 Drew Walsh Real SocieLAD 165 38 166 75771 6 190488 141576
43 smart les lemon peng-win 165 19 165 78361 10 89107 141576
45 Ryan Addams Fish fillet 164 53 113 207799 8 141877 144056
46 Ben Rowland Atheist FC 163 48 157 99715 11 65385 146659
46 Sam MartinRoss Martin-Boss 163 33 117 201207 8 141877 146659
48 Patrick Grayson real aycliffe 161 40 161 88797 10 89107 151532
48 Thomas Foley Unbelievable Crisps 161 35 111 210730 11 65385 151532
50 Redwan Elharrak Real Talk 159 36 159 94178 6 190488 156355
51 Martyn Aeissame Gratuitous FC 157 39 157 99715 7 167659 161141
52 Tim Williams TIMW_BRAP KILLAS 156 36 154 108092 10 89107 163499
52 Nestor Schischka The Winning One 156 36 145 133412 7 167659 163499
54 Jamie Sadur Skid Mark 155 41 155 105274 8 141877 165874
54 Josh Watkins bluesbrother 155 26 155 105274 7 167659 165874
56 Anthony Ford 4 Dimensions 153 29 107 216037 9 115128 170386
57 Ben Lawson spunkin FC 151 34 179 47012 8 141877 174770
57 Luke Henderson Luke Ronald FC 151 33 147 127732 9 115128 174770
59 Nick Reid OnOne United 149 36 149 122077 6 190488 178993
59 James Martin Tourist Attraction 149 30 149 122077 8 141877 178993
61 Christopher Davies T Dogg’s Ball Hoggs 148 28 115 204651 6 190488 181142
61 Aaron Hicks Proud’s Prodders 148 31 148 124870 7 167659 181142
63 Blake Walton Walton Wonders 147 22 143 139083 7 167659 183264
63 Mohamed Hussein Why Always Me FC 147 16 126 182993 7 167659 183264
65 Jon McLeish Bayern Bru 146 37 132 168641 5 209738 185291
66 Louis Day Spews Stars 143 27 143 139083 11 65385 191176
66 Dean Webster Blues 143 34 158 96952 9 115128 191176
68 William Rowe Keefy’s Krunchers 141 26 140 147458 11 65385 194831
69 David Hewitt football 140 32 140 147458 6 190488 196647
70 Maxwell Hughes maxibon united 138 42 138 152914 8 141877 200153
71 Matt Morris Morris FC 137 27 137 155589 5 209738 201817
71 Daniel Haviland Warriors 137 22 137 155589 3 235563 201817
73 Daniel Watson SirBobWouldBeProud 136 23 118 199394 3 235563 203435
73 Nicky Greenhow Boomerwanger 136 39 127 180729 4 224525 203435
75 Mark Guy butchys tanks 135 31 119 197465 7 167659 204976
76 James Roberts WOOPWOOP United 134 27 130 173617 5 209738 206534
77 Craig Abbs Team abber 132 19 132 168641 7 167659 209547
78 Richard Gilbert Queefstars 129 33 129 176009 5 209738 213709
79 Nick Randles Quallo 128 20 128 178420 6 190488 215069
80 Danny Sharpe Team Sharpey 127 32 127 180729 6 190488 216331
80 Christian Adofo The Mandem 127 36 127 180729 4 224525 216331
82 Dave Bunker Team Bunker 125 18 82 233626 8 141877 218862
83 Luke Wyborn The Wombles 123 24 111 210730 3 235563 221180
84 Jack Hopwood FC Kaiser 122 28 122 191549 5 209738 222258
85 Ashley Townsend 1 MANNING 1 CUP 121 18 80 234158 7 167659 223355
86 John Hawkins Mmmmcustard 118 25 115 204651 6 190488 226501
86 Alex Taylor leave-my-arse-a-lona 118 38 118 199394 9 115128 226501
88 John Twinn Pav FC 117 27 117 201207 3 235563 227490
89 Toby Dennett Dennethinaikos 115 23 126 182993 2 243245 229319
90 Michael Sinfield FC Scorgasm 112 26 112 209247 6 190488 231770
90 Sam Lister inter thevan 112 26 108 214767 3 235563 231770
90 James Tootill BigDonFC 112 23 119 197465 4 224525 231770
93 Tomn Pitts Gareth Keenan Troops 102 15 102 221510 5 209738 238315
94 Tyler Casey 50 Shades Of Goals 94 20 94 227974 0 250921 241957
95 David Armitage Real Betties 93 18 93 228645 2 243245 242341
96 Wes Holden Green FC 92 18 92 229247 6 190488 242709
97 Steve French Anal Villa 91 19 91 229808 0 250921 243085
98 Theodore Morgan DangALangTime 86 21 86 232254 7 167659 244674
99 Nick Bourne Greenham Royals 75 16 75 235157 2 243245 247227
100 Matthew Hurley 12fort 55 7 55 236666 3 235563 249854

manager of the month

1 Gavin Rapaport Poo 172

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