Week 30 finishes on a very low point for the majority of teams across the 100 strong Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football League with only three teams managing to surpass the 50 point mark. Props go to 80th placed Josh Watkins’ Bluesbrother who managed 51 points as well as Nicky Greenhow’s Boomerwanger who are now 8th thanks to also hitting 51 points. Highest score of the week goes to John Ryan’s Obi 1 – Kanobi – 0 who somehow racked up 66 points which is more than the top three’s points combined.

Here’s the weekend’s results:

Sat 9 Mar 2013 – Premier League

• Norwich 0 – 0 Southampton FT
• QPR 3 – 1 Sunderland FT
• Reading 1 – 2 Aston Villa FT
• West Brom 2 – 1 Swansea FT

Sun 10 Mar 2013 – Premier League

• Newcastle 2 – 1 Stoke FT
• Liverpool 3 – 2 Tottenham FT

Sat 9 Mar 2013 – FA Cup

• Everton 0 – 3 Wigan FT
• Man City 5 – 0 Barnsley FT

Sun 10 Mar 2013 – FA Cup

• Millwall 0 – 0 Blackburn FT
• Man Utd 2 – 2 Chelsea FT

Southampton didn’t pull off the away win and had to settle for a 0-0 draw. Remy inspired QPR to a 3-1 alongside two Spurs rejects turned good. Reading lose and McDerms gets sent packing – you never know with Bentekkers up top for Villa. Everton get found out by Wigan – who could have possibly predicted that? Man City smashed Barnsley expected. Toon beat Stoke 2-1 when we said 2-0 and it was a lot closer than expected. Lukaku has another stormer to show Chelsea exactly what they’re missing. Liverpool manage to beat Spurs – mental. Blackburn fail to beat Millwall away and will have to settle for a replay. Chelsea almost beat United but also have to settle for a replay at Stamford Bridge. Who could’ve predicted the majority of last week’s games? Crazy.

BIG HITTERS

A pretty big week for Wigan away at Everton and Chelsea at United but the props this week have got to go the way of Man City. It may have been against lower league opposition but they absolutely racked up the points. David Silva got a goal and two assists in City’s 5-0 drumming of Barnsley at the Etihad to notch him up a 13 points total for the week – his best of the season – as he hopes to justify his tag as most expensive midfielder in fantasy football.

Kolarov managed a cheeky 14 points as he got a goal, assist and a clean sheet as everything he touched turned to gold equalling his best points measure of the campaign.

The real plaudits fall at the feet of one of the hardest workers in football (when he fancies it) – Carlos Tevez. Two assists and a hat-trick took him onto a cushty 23 points for the week which is more than the majority of teams scored in the fantasy league. Anyone who showed faith in one of the ugliest men in football, as Mancini did, has just had the faith repaid. Well done you ugly freak of a man.

BIG SHITTERS

This weekend was full of mistakes especially when it came to goalkeepers…Mignolet let slip to 3 QPR goals, Tim Howard managed to let 3 Wigan goals slip past him but the real shitters of the week went they way of Hugo Lloris and Petr Cech. Petr got teased out of his goal by a beautiful Michael Carrick ball four and a half minutes into the United Chelsea game before misjudging a Rooney free kick leading to his team trailing 2-0 before they had time to realise what was happening. However, he wasn’t the worst of the weekend as he later did a double save at 2-0 to keep Chelsea in the game before they managed to claw the game back to earn a replay.

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The real shitter of the week came from France’s apparent number 1 goalkeeper whose team were leading Liverpool 2-1 away at Anfield and controlling the game when a long high ball came across the pitch…Lloris felt it was pertinent to run out and try and clear it only to be outwitted by Downing who went on to score. As if things couldn’t be more embarassing…Stuart Downing besting you in and around your area. What an absolute joke. Bring back Brad Friedel. ASAP. Skip to 3 minutes 34 seconds into that video if you wanna see the joke goalkeeping for yourself.

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Here’s this weekend’s fixtures:

Sat 16 Mar 2013 – Premier League

• Everton v Man City 12:45
• Aston Villa v QPR 15:00
• Southampton v Liverpool 15:00
• Stoke v West Brom 15:00
• Swansea v Arsenal 15:00
• Man Utd v Reading 17:30

Sun 17 Mar 2013 – Premier League

• Sunderland v Norwich 13:30
• Tottenham v Fulham 15:00
• Chelsea v West Ham 16:00
• Wigan v Newcastle 16:00

Man City continue their scoring ways away at an Everton team who couldn’t keep Wigan at bay – City win. Villa are held to a draw by QPR, Bentekkers and Remy both scoring. Southampton score but Suarez and Coutinho keep the flairs on with a convincingly sublime display – Liverpool away win. West Brom keep on scoring via Lukaku but Tony Pulis Anti-Football earns Stoke a draw to stop their string of losses. Swansea battle hard as Michu returns to scoring form – Arsenal snatch a draw though. Man Utd thump Reading hard on the possible first game in charge for Paulo Di Canio maybe? Sunderland beat Norwich at home 1-0, Fletcher scores again. Spurs beat Fulham, pretty easily. Chelsea see off a lowly West Ham. Wigan score but Newcastle match them as the Cabaye show continues. Draw.

Here’s how the league is looking:

Super League Table

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