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Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football League Week 25 Roundup

QPR keep two clean sheets. Demba Ba does an impression of Adam Ant. Man Utd keep on winning. When the fvck is Abramovich gonna sack Rafa? Gareth Bale still looks like a monkey.

Week 25 didn’t see many shocks in the old Sick Chirpse Fantasy League as the big score of the week went to now 4th placed Huw E’s Dynamo Kebab who is now the front runner for this month’s Manager Of The Month.  Other pretty good scores went to 48th placed Born-Again Mormon Ben Rowland and his Athiest FC and possible Blackburn Fan Lee Walsh and his Keansakunt who banged in a swift 84 to take him within touching distance of the top ten. A special if not slightly sarcastic dig must go towards Matthew Hurley’s 12fort who have managed to pry themselves from the wooden spoon position for the first time in 23 weeks as Tyler Casey and his shithouse 50 Shades Of Goals stumble to the bottom.  If you wanna know how bad your team has to be to sink to the bottom – here is a little sample of the shower of shit Tyler thought might make a challenge for the title:

Shit right? Yeah. What a nonse.

Anyway, here are the results from Week 25:

Tue 29 Jan 2013 – Premier League

Wed 30 Jan 2013 – Premier League

Sat 2 Feb 2013 – Premier League

Sun 3 Feb 2013 – Premier League

The big shocks of the week came from QPR and Reading who did their best to put the shit up the rest of the garbage circulating around the relegation area. Julio Cesar proved that he may not have been that mental joining QPR as they held both Premier League Champion’s Manchester City and Norwich to two goalless draws – with Cesar taking the plaudits for some fantastic goalkeeping displays. Reading came back in injury time once again courtesy of Big ALF as he netted two after coming off the bench – Le Fondre having now scored 11 in 14 games for the Royals. No other huge results stick out from the midweek or weekend fixtures except Chelsea being dogshit and Rafa being on his last legs surely – bring back Gus Poyet and Franco Zola – and Villa managing to put a cheeky three goals into the Toffees net away from home – typical Bentekkers.

BIG HITTERS

“Leighton Baines, I bet you think this song is about you, Leighton Baines, I bet you think this song is about you. Don’t you! Don’t you!” (To the tune of You’re So Vain). As if Ashley Cole wasn’t doing his damn hardest to get his 100th International cap tonight against Brazil, young Baines is still trying his best to win only his 17th cap for his country and one way of doing this is by getting a cheeky brace from left back for your club. Leighton clocked up a lovely little 12 points in the midweek game with two goals but failed to stop Villa knock three past the Toffees on Saturday despite grabbing a key contribution – 15 points for the week secures him as the highest scoring defender in the world of fantasy football at this moment in time.

Sometimes he’s bruttish, other times he’s angry but you can guarantee he is always gonna be ugly (and banging a granny in his spare time). It’s been a mixed bag this year for England’s talisman, but he looks to be coming out the other side as he’s had the highest scoring week out of everyone in the fantasy football. With the only goal of the Fulham game to add to the two he hit past Southampton in midweek he secured 18 points and two victories for his club. He was denied a stone wall penalty in the first half against Fulham but he picked himself up and won the game for the reds to bring him to over ten goals in each of the past 9 Premiership seasons.

The final big hitter of the week is none other than Alan Pardew’s new 1.8 million signing, Frenchman Moussa Sissoko. Sissoko was the real difference between the sides as he burned past the excellent Ashley Cole on several occasions, had more shots from open play than any other player on the weekend and scored two great goals to add to his assist in the week – 17 points in your f irst two games, not too shabby.

BIG SHITTER

[yframe url=’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=574AZBSvsIU’]

“Prince Demba, Prince Demba, ridicule is nothing to be scared of.”  Yeah, OK, he didn’t have a bad game – and in fact he even tried to play on after Colloccini kicked him square on the snoz but the facts of the matter are that he looked like an utter wasteman after taking the kick and we just had to post these photos. He started Wednesday away at Reading warming the bench for the intolerable (Can You Hear The Drums) Fernando and things got a lot worst when he was welcomed back into the fold on Saturday away at St James Park thanks to the Argentinian tasked with marking him. After making his way through the Geordie defence and attempting to head in the rebound of his own shot Coloccini kicked him square in the snozzer (check the video out above). He still managed to bag 3 points for the week but screwed over everyone who stuck him in thinking he was the answer to their mid table fantasy football worries.

Here’s whats coming up this weekend after the undoubted smashing England will be getting at the hands of Brazil:

Sat 9 Feb 2013 – Premier League

  • Tottenham v Newcastle 12:45
  • Chelsea v Wigan 15:00
  • Norwich v Fulham 15:00
  • Stoke v Reading 15:00
  • Sunderland v Arsenal 15:00
  • Swansea v QPR 15:00
  • Southampton v Man City 17:30

Sun 10 Feb 2013 – Premier League

  • Aston Villa v West Ham 13:30
  • Man Utd v Everton 16:00

Mon 11 Feb 2013 – Premier League

  • Liverpool v West Brom 20:00

Spurs will struggle at home to free scoring Newcastle but goals from Bale and a worldy from Lennon should see them off just about. Spurs win. Chelsea will be looking forward to playing Wigan as they manage to now and again smash 7 goals past them and Rafa could do that to avoid the sack. Chelsea big win. Norwich just about beat Fulham at home to try and claw their way out of the depths of the league. Stoke and Reading play out a horrific game. Draw. Sunderland cannot contain Theo Walcott on the back of his midweek heroics for England 1-2 to Arsenal. Swansea finally break Julio Cesar’s will and Michu takes the plaudits – no one misses Danny Graham cos he’s shit. Saints go ahead against Man City before the Sergio Aguero show kicks in and they take a pasting. Villa and West Ham play out a claret and blue filled affair but Bentekkers has an off day and Hammers struggle to an unlikely away win. Utd beat Everton but Fellaini gives Vidic some serious trouble. Liverpool put West Brom to bed courtesy of a Luis Suarez masterclass, Lukaku proves that he would be better off replacing Torres as he bangs another goal in.

Here’s how the Sick Chirpse Fantasy League is looking you beauties, enjoy:

Sick Chirpse

League PIN: 8009937

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POS Manager Team name Total points Week pts Starting
XI pts
Starting
XI pos
Goals Goal Pos Overall Position
1 Shane Tremlin Trems Trash 1133 78 857 98456 68 72453 14149
2 AlexanderMark Jones Dunblane Massacres 1089 71 826 126672 81 10845 34120
2 Tom Shipley Apocalypse Dudes 1089 79 946 30916 77 23000 34120
4 Huw E Dynamo Kebab 1083 91 835 118465 65 93201 37822
5 Tom Sands Prison Break FC 1070 71 852 103083 76 27063 46456
6 Peter Jones Joner 1055 59 853 102143 66 86235 57679
7 Huw Barker HavantGotAClueVille 1046 70 1049 2770 73 41818 64852
8 Johnny Callow Room 362 1036 71 886 72922 65 93201 72973
9 Drew Walsh Real SocieLAD 1030 76 935 37128 63 107164 77949
10 Ryan Williams Dirty Buffalo 1017 74 864 92169 62 114214 88985
11 Emma Craig The Only Way Is Emma 1012 60 832 121247 59 134326 93279
12 Lee Walsh KeansaKunt 1009 84 770 172779 71 53393 95862
13 Nicky Greenhow Boomerwanger 1007 77 725 199900 62 114214 97590
14 David Williams Muffin stuffers 998 50 990 12946 69 65933 105328
15 Gavin Rapaport Poo 995 78 872 85006 66 86235 107885
16 Billy Mclean Barcemoaner 993 69 829 123986 70 59587 109588
17 Trevor Brenson RJBs XI 987 65 987 13848 56 153370 114719
18 Matthew Stewart FC Boosh 986 67 848 106711 63 107164 115580
19 Robbie Atkinson diables Rouges 977 70 678 217662 63 107164 122926
20 Jeff Ingle Jeffentus 974 74 657 222864 65 93201 125333
21 Alex Prince Prince Boatengs 970 57 869 87625 67 79294 128574
22 Redwan Elharrak Real Talk 968 82 968 20538 53 171359 130249
23 Luke Skidmore bunchofslugs 966 75 842 112036 66 86235 131830
24 Bobby Peliza bObbyDazzlers 963 51 822 130264 56 153370 134215
24 Dan Filer ClubTropicanaDrinkFC 963 71 955 26318 58 140755 134215
26 Shaun Williams The Galacticos 957 64 945 31474 53 171359 138931
27 Dave Ward Pimp My Side 956 56 873 84152 60 127890 139679
28 Ross Stearny stearnpots barmyarmy 955 63 859 96661 58 140755 140434
29 Terry Buckingham Real Madras 948 64 836 117520 66 86235 145687
29 Alex Taylor leave-my-arse-a-lona 948 70 728 198401 68 72453 145687
31 Jon McLeish Bayern Bru 946 46 852 103083 53 171359 147123
31 Nikul Patani Brown Bear United 946 75 946 30916 64 100217 147123
33 Anthony Ford 4 Dimensions 944 57 764 176999 52 176837 148583
34 James Martin Tourist Attraction 941 79 941 33642 61 121095 150679
35 David Hewitt football 938 79 845 109391 55 159556 152760
36 Michael Magee Mickey T FC 935 54 952 27851 59 134326 154763
37 Blake Walton Walton Wonders 932 75 895 65416 54 165597 156834
38 Neil Williams Lumpers and Kickers 927 37 827 125784 57 147027 160206
39 Ryan Addams Fish fillet 925 68 652 223907 56 153370 161473
40 Max Sheppard Fred West Ham 924 63 808 142545 58 140755 162099
41 Tim Williams TIMW_BRAP KILLAS 923 62 777 167602 61 121095 162723
42 Ross Williams Tepee Town FC 922 44 880 77984 54 165597 163364
43 Louis Day Spews Stars 919 55 919 47566 54 165597 165337
44 Aaron Hicks Proud’s Prodders 916 79 768 174178 52 176837 167265
45 Ben Lawson spunkin FC 913 67 899 62234 52 176837 169122
46 Martyn Aeissame Gratuitous FC 903 47 752 184776 52 176837 175121
47 Mark Endicott Real Madreadfull 894 32 677 217959 54 165597 180139
48 Ben Rowland Atheist FC 893 85 759 180338 60 127890 180698
48 William Rowe Keefy’s Krunchers 893 56 852 103083 66 86235 180698
50 Richard Dulieu Dyslexic CF 888 63 888 71226 49 192078 183291
51 Sam Lister inter thevan 885 35 829 123986 55 159556 184830
52 John Twinn Pav FC 883 77 796 152542 54 165597 185904
53 Sam MartinRoss Martin-Boss 882 59 567 233336 56 153370 186423
54 Elliott Henderson Barsenal 875 56 770 172779 46 205633 189974
55 Patrick Grayson real aycliffe 874 81 874 83235 55 159556 190505
56 Toby Dennett Dennethinaikos 866 54 874 83235 40 227319 194336
57 Luke Wyborn The Wombles 865 71 676 218230 53 171359 194783
58 smart les lemon peng-win 864 45 864 92169 50 187119 195264
58 Daniel Ostridge Ajax Treesdown 864 49 870 86801 46 205633 195264
58 Danny Sharpe Team Sharpey 864 56 864 92169 55 159556 195264
61 Ashley Townsend 1 MANNING 1 CUP 859 33 576 232790 45 209738 197595
62 Dean Webster Blues 856 63 803 146726 44 213638 198980
63 Matt Morris Morris FC 850 70 850 104903 55 159556 201664
63 John Ryan Obi – 1 Kanobi – 0 850 61 850 104903 58 140755 201664
65 Piers Dixon Dixon Balls FC 841 39 861 94843 41 224198 205403
66 Charlie Hey tiki taka jazz cats 838 45 838 115720 50 187119 206643
67 Luke Henderson Luke Ronald FC 835 66 760 179687 47 201271 207815
68 Thomas Foley Unbelievable Crisps 833 30 794 154227 47 201271 208622
69 Christopher Davies T Dogg’s Ball Hoggs 822 54 716 204051 38 232991 212738
70 Mohamed Hussein Why Always Me FC 818 43 770 172779 40 227319 214227
71 Anthony Ward Park Ji Wonders 811 38 734 195226 46 205633 216724
72 Jamie Sadur Skid Mark 808 61 836 117520 39 230285 217774
73 James Blundell Blundells boys 806 36 666 220857 51 182105 218452
74 Michael Sinfield FC Scorgasm 797 55 797 151729 50 187119 221343
75 Nick Randles Quallo 792 58 792 155835 37 235521 222908
76 Daniel Guy Dans witwickys 791 62 791 156655 33 243870 223202
76 James Roberts WOOPWOOP United 791 38 770 172779 28 250513 223202
78 Daniel Haviland Warriors 789 37 789 158282 33 243870 223793
79 Daniel Watson SirBobWouldBeProud 772 39 749 186698 35 240047 228522
80 Christian Adofo The Mandem 771 81 771 172046 47 201271 228769
81 Nick Reid OnOne United 766 48 766 175575 38 232991 230062
82 John Hawkins Mmmmcustard 760 39 681 216821 44 213638 231573
83 Jack Hopwood FC Kaiser 755 54 762 178368 34 242068 232740
84 Maxwell Hughes maxibon united 753 51 761 178969 37 235521 233212
85 Richard Gilbert Queefstars 751 51 751 185400 34 242068 233663
86 Steve French French FC 749 64 749 186698 34 242068 234097
87 Alex Crawshaw Crawshaw’s Commies 740 25 773 170567 43 217392 236002
88 Dave Bunker Team Bunker 730 39 635 226753 43 217392 238004
89 Josh Watkins bluesbrother 710 38 710 206685 30 248279 241332
90 Theodore Morgan DangALangTime 708 42 708 207511 41 224198 241630
91 Nestor Schischka The Winning One 705 30 618 229067 26 252345 242092
92 Wes Holden Green FC 699 43 699 210998 30 248279 242943
93 Mark Guy butchys tanks 696 47 697 211699 38 232991 243375
94 James Tootill BigDonFC 693 31 721 201851 22 255100 243770
95 Tomn Pitts Gareth Keenan Troops 692 55 692 213307 31 246967 243893
96 Nick Bourne Greenham Royals 683 74 683 216230 35 240047 245018
97 Craig Abbs Team abber 660 39 660 222227 30 248279 247498
98 David Armitage Real Betties 640 34 640 225994 34 242068 249119
99 Matthew Hurley 12fort 608 60 608 230184 39 230285 251219
100 Tyler Casey 50 Shades Of Goals 587 34 592 231633 18 256793 252316

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