Week 25 didn’t see many shocks in the old Sick Chirpse Fantasy League as the big score of the week went to now 4th placed Huw E’s Dynamo Kebab who is now the front runner for this month’s Manager Of The Month.  Other pretty good scores went to 48th placed Born-Again Mormon Ben Rowland and his Athiest FC and possible Blackburn Fan Lee Walsh and his Keansakunt who banged in a swift 84 to take him within touching distance of the top ten. A special if not slightly sarcastic dig must go towards Matthew Hurley’s 12fort who have managed to pry themselves from the wooden spoon position for the first time in 23 weeks as Tyler Casey and his shithouse 50 Shades Of Goals stumble to the bottom.  If you wanna know how bad your team has to be to sink to the bottom – here is a little sample of the shower of shit Tyler thought might make a challenge for the title:

Shit right? Yeah. What a nonse.

Anyway, here are the results from Week 25:

Tue 29 Jan 2013 – Premier League

• Aston Villa 1 – 2 Newcastle FT
• QPR 0 – 0 Man City FT
• Stoke 2 – 2 Wigan FT
• Sunderland 0 – 0 Swansea FT

Wed 30 Jan 2013 – Premier League

• Arsenal 2 – 2 Liverpool FT
• Everton 2 – 1 West Brom FT
• Norwich 1 – 1 Tottenham FT
• Fulham 3 – 1 West Ham FT
• Man Utd 2 – 1 Southampton FT
• Reading 2 – 2 Chelsea FT

Sat 2 Feb 2013 – Premier League

• QPR 0 – 0 Norwich FT
• Arsenal 1 – 0 Stoke FT
• Everton 3 – 3 Aston Villa FT
• Newcastle 3 – 2 Chelsea FT
• Reading 2 – 1 Sunderland FT
• West Ham 1 – 0 Swansea FT
• Wigan 2 – 2 Southampton FT
• Fulham 0 – 1 Man Utd FT

Sun 3 Feb 2013 – Premier League

• West Brom 0 – 1 Tottenham FT
• Man City 2 – 2 Liverpool FT

The big shocks of the week came from QPR and Reading who did their best to put the shit up the rest of the garbage circulating around the relegation area. Julio Cesar proved that he may not have been that mental joining QPR as they held both Premier League Champion’s Manchester City and Norwich to two goalless draws – with Cesar taking the plaudits for some fantastic goalkeeping displays. Reading came back in injury time once again courtesy of Big ALF as he netted two after coming off the bench – Le Fondre having now scored 11 in 14 games for the Royals. No other huge results stick out from the midweek or weekend fixtures except Chelsea being dogshit and Rafa being on his last legs surely – bring back Gus Poyet and Franco Zola – and Villa managing to put a cheeky three goals into the Toffees net away from home – typical Bentekkers.

BIG HITTERS

“Leighton Baines, I bet you think this song is about you, Leighton Baines, I bet you think this song is about you. Don’t you! Don’t you!” (To the tune of You’re So Vain). As if Ashley Cole wasn’t doing his damn hardest to get his 100th International cap tonight against Brazil, young Baines is still trying his best to win only his 17th cap for his country and one way of doing this is by getting a cheeky brace from left back for your club. Leighton clocked up a lovely little 12 points in the midweek game with two goals but failed to stop Villa knock three past the Toffees on Saturday despite grabbing a key contribution – 15 points for the week secures him as the highest scoring defender in the world of fantasy football at this moment in time.

Sometimes he’s bruttish, other times he’s angry but you can guarantee he is always gonna be ugly (and banging a granny in his spare time). It’s been a mixed bag this year for England’s talisman, but he looks to be coming out the other side as he’s had the highest scoring week out of everyone in the fantasy football. With the only goal of the Fulham game to add to the two he hit past Southampton in midweek he secured 18 points and two victories for his club. He was denied a stone wall penalty in the first half against Fulham but he picked himself up and won the game for the reds to bring him to over ten goals in each of the past 9 Premiership seasons.

The final big hitter of the week is none other than Alan Pardew’s new 1.8 million signing, Frenchman Moussa Sissoko. Sissoko was the real difference between the sides as he burned past the excellent Ashley Cole on several occasions, had more shots from open play than any other player on the weekend and scored two great goals to add to his assist in the week – 17 points in your f irst two games, not too shabby.

BIG SHITTER

[yframe url=’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=574AZBSvsIU’]

“Prince Demba, Prince Demba, ridicule is nothing to be scared of.”  Yeah, OK, he didn’t have a bad game – and in fact he even tried to play on after Colloccini kicked him square on the snoz but the facts of the matter are that he looked like an utter wasteman after taking the kick and we just had to post these photos. He started Wednesday away at Reading warming the bench for the intolerable (Can You Hear The Drums) Fernando and things got a lot worst when he was welcomed back into the fold on Saturday away at St James Park thanks to the Argentinian tasked with marking him. After making his way through the Geordie defence and attempting to head in the rebound of his own shot Coloccini kicked him square in the snozzer (check the video out above). He still managed to bag 3 points for the week but screwed over everyone who stuck him in thinking he was the answer to their mid table fantasy football worries.

Here’s whats coming up this weekend after the undoubted smashing England will be getting at the hands of Brazil:

Sat 9 Feb 2013 – Premier League

• Tottenham v Newcastle 12:45
• Chelsea v Wigan 15:00
• Norwich v Fulham 15:00
• Stoke v Reading 15:00
• Sunderland v Arsenal 15:00
• Swansea v QPR 15:00
• Southampton v Man City 17:30

Sun 10 Feb 2013 – Premier League

• Aston Villa v West Ham 13:30
• Man Utd v Everton 16:00

Mon 11 Feb 2013 – Premier League

• Liverpool v West Brom 20:00

Spurs will struggle at home to free scoring Newcastle but goals from Bale and a worldy from Lennon should see them off just about. Spurs win. Chelsea will be looking forward to playing Wigan as they manage to now and again smash 7 goals past them and Rafa could do that to avoid the sack. Chelsea big win. Norwich just about beat Fulham at home to try and claw their way out of the depths of the league. Stoke and Reading play out a horrific game. Draw. Sunderland cannot contain Theo Walcott on the back of his midweek heroics for England 1-2 to Arsenal. Swansea finally break Julio Cesar’s will and Michu takes the plaudits – no one misses Danny Graham cos he’s shit. Saints go ahead against Man City before the Sergio Aguero show kicks in and they take a pasting. Villa and West Ham play out a claret and blue filled affair but Bentekkers has an off day and Hammers struggle to an unlikely away win. Utd beat Everton but Fellaini gives Vidic some serious trouble. Liverpool put West Brom to bed courtesy of a Luis Suarez masterclass, Lukaku proves that he would be better off replacing Torres as he bangs another goal in.

Here’s how the Sick Chirpse Fantasy League is looking you beauties, enjoy:

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