Do you remember Sami Hypia? Of course you do, he was a rock at the back for Liverpool from 1999-2009 and won pretty much everything in his time with them except the Premiership. It’s kind of hard saying that when you look at what a laughing stock Liverpool are now, but yeah as little as seven years ago they were winning the Champions League and could be considered contenders for pretty much every trophy that was up for grabs as opposed to just the league cup and being an outside bet for relegation. How the tables turn huh?
Anyway this isn’t an article about how shit Liverpool are right now – you would have to prepare a 120 page dossier like Brendan Rodgers to explain their dismal decline and I frankly don’t have the time or give that much of a fvck – it’s about how Sami Hypia is so much of a hero in his native Finland that some weird dudes decided to record a hair metal tribute song about him.
Hair metal is kind of cool (but not really and only really in an ironic sense, unless your Will Ashworth that is) but to record a tribute about a player who retired three years ago and didn’t really do anything for your national team or teams within your nation is frankly kind of weird. I guess the Finns don’t really have too many national footballing heroes (Mikael Forssell was good for about a season and now can’t get into the Leeds reserve team and the less said about Jari Litmanen and Shefki Kuqi the better) but is this really necessary?
Probably not, it certainly gave me a few lolz though and is pretty bizarre. I guess that’s what it’s like over there in Finland huh? The video is called ‘Big Sam: The Great Defender’ and is by ‘The Left Foot Company’ and features all the cliches you could want from a hair metal song – guitar tapping, big pumping drums, a lead singer crooning away and loads of gang woah oh oh oh oh oh’s and lots of lead singer ohhhh ohh ohhh yeahs. Oh and of course they’ve got really, really cringeworthy lyrics as well the highlight of which is probably the chorus which goes ‘hey Big Sam could we ever understand how hard it is to to play in the Premier League.’ Yeah, it’s that stupid. It’s also kind of stupid that they call him Big Sam because everyone knows there’s only one Big Sam in football and that’s that fat prick Sam Allardyce. Although Sami Hypia would probably fit Big Sam’s mould of a big strong centre half to model his team around he probably wouldn’t actually get into his team as he would want to pass it out of the defence rather than bang it upfield with a long ball.
The video continues the them of stupidity with a young kid who looks like Sami Hypia (could it even be Sami Hypia?) practicing his skills around the streets of Finland interspersed with shots of the band in the studio recording the song. Edgy. There’s also a cameo from the big man himself at the end of the video if you make it that far, but be prepared it’s even more ridiculous that I’ve described. Check it out below: