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Sales Of Human Urine Are Rocketing Thanks To Workplace Drug Testing

Urine

It’s a lucrative market.

I’m lucky enough to have never been drug tested in my place of employment, but I’m fairly sure if I was subject to this then I would be getting fired pretty rapidly.

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However, there is a way around it and that’s to buy the urine of someone who is perfectly clean and healthy and submit that instead of your own and this is apparently a vey lucrative business. One anonymous weed smoker from Coventry said the following about it:

I smoke weed all of the the time and I get tested every three months and cannot take the risk of failing.

So I buy my neighbour’s urine, she is about 60-years-old and has never touched a drug in her life. I give her £5 for a litre milk bottle’s worth and keep it in the fridge at home.

I went online and bought a heat pouch which warms the urine up ready for my test so it is the right temperature.

Before I had my pouch I had a few accidents trying to strap bottles of piss to my thigh, but not anymore.

I’ve heard of synthetic penises that are manufactured just for this purpose and I’m thinking about investing in one.

Piss Perfect

Yeah, that is a real thing – a synthetic penis solely manufactured so that people can give fake urine for drug testing. It’ll set you back £106 and apparently a lot of people are willing to pay that price for it as they’re still in business. That’s what the world has come to in 2018.

In fact, 18 states in America have banned the sale of urine because it’s becoming such a massive problem over there. What a time to be alive.

For more urine, check out this woman who reckons that drinking her urine every day keeps her young and healthy. Yeah right.


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