When I woke up yesterday morning to the sound of Sky News blaring in the background (it’s my alarm), I rolled over and looked at the clock, it was 8AM and I was in a mild state of sleep paralysis. It was cold outside and it was cold inside. I had no food for breakfast and I wasn’t looking forward to the profanities that our guest Twitter host was going to spew out across our Twitter feed throughout the day during our Wednesday Twitter take over. I guess you could say I didn’t want to get out of bed, it wasn’t a pleasant morning. I was filled with dread and panic as I prepped myself to face the world and start the day. Before doing this, I decided I would let me self slowly adjust to waking life with another 20 minutes in my warm comfy bed. I started to listen in to what Eamonn Holmes was chatting about (which is usually pretty jokes and semi-abusive to whoever’s sitting on his couch) which is when I realised I must still be dreaming. The first news story I heard was about Tesco serving horse burgers which is petty crazy news to be waking up to, especially after I’d hosted a burger eating contest using Tesco beef/horse burgers just the night before. My stomach growled as I prepared for the backlash my bowels were preparing, due to this alien meat product currently making it’s way through my large intestine. But it wasn’t just the horse burger story that made me question reality, it was the breaking news about a helicopter that had just crashed into a crane that was situated on top of a building in busy central London that made me really think ‘come on now…’.
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It was at this point I was seriously considering my sanity, and even did the whole light switch on and off lucid dreaming test to make sure I wasn’t experiencing a false awakening. As the weird news continued, I had finally woke up and accepted that today was just going to be one of those weird days. To be fair, it didn’t even turn out that weird. I think our Twitter feed clocked up the word cunt 400 times and counting, but apart from that, nothing too out of the ordinary went down, nothing as weird and mental as the news story this RTE reporter is reporting over in Ireland.
Real of fake? I originally would have taken a punt on this being fake, as the story and delivery is just so utterly ridiculous, but her microphone says RTE,and after a quick Google I’ve learned that RTE is actually a real life serious Irish news channel, leading me to retract my bets and say this is indeed a real news story.
Edit: after several of you Sick Chirpse readers have politely told us this is indeed fake. We got punk’d.
Check it out for yourself. As the news story goes on it just gets even more ridiculous, and I think it’s going to take some seriously weird happenings for Eamonn Holmes to beat this one anytime soon.
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