Where I come from, it’s pretty offensive to draw a massive cock on someone else’s property; in fact I harbour this act of pure disrespect for my worst enemies only (a.k.a everyone). When I think back to school, I remember that my French textbook was always full of odd looking elephant and mouse sketches that were in fact make-shift cover-ups for bald headed yogurt-slingers. It’s really weird; everyday someone would draw a massive veiny schlong, shooting sperm, on my work book without fail. Fucked up right? Of course I returned the favour, and almost everyone at school had a thing for sketching monstrous members on the tables, chairs, walls and doors.
Needless to say that sort of thing doesn’t go down so well with people in the UK. I mean, imagine if you woke up all pissed-off for another day of work, and discovered a monolithic meat-thermometer painted on your house like the one below. You wouldn’t be best pleased would you?
Over in Bhutan, a tiny and mysterious Kingdom in the Himalayas, things go down a little differently; and if you take a hike through the countryside and villages, it’s fairly regular that you’re going to find houses proudly sporting these illustrious bobby-danglers.
This unusual tradition traces its heritage back to the Chimi Lhakhang monastery, located near Punakha, the old capital of Bhutan. The monastery was built in honour of Lama Drukpa Kunley, who was popularly known as ‘The Mad Saint’ for his strange teaching methods (he liked to get his cock out on the reg and was a hit with the ladies). For some reason, over hundreds of years, this led to the bizarre ideology that by drawing epic spam-javelins on your house; they would ward off evil spirits and, in general, bring good luck.
If you do want to visit Bhutan, and see what I think will soon be a smut-themed UNESCO heritage site, it costs a lot of money. After you’ve payed a shit-load to fly to Asia, booked some hotels, and planned your excursions; you’re punched in the jaw with a $250 per day Tourist Tariff. Harsh right? But it’s Bhutan’s way of, you know, not allowing the country to turn into some god forsaken tourist-infested Magaluf-style hell-hole – just like Bangkok and Vang Vieng did.
As I’m still a bit childish I find this pretty funny, but one day, probably in the not-too-distant future, I would be proud to say that I’ve seen the famous phalli of Bhutan!