Ever had a loved one leave you? It sucks doesn’t it? For days, weeks, months and maybe even years you feel that constant pain deep down in your heart, that emptiness in the pit of your stomach. You try to forget about it, move on, even replace them with someone else, someone who resembles them, but try as you might to pretend things just aren’t the same.
Well I have.
Well, sort of.
You see, this is exactly how I felt when the brain trust over at Nestle replaced my beloved Peanut butter Kit Kat with the far less superior Caramel version. It wasn’t just me who suffered either; I can honestly say that NestlÃ©’s decision to put the Peanut butter Kit Kat off the production line was the worst thing to happen to the world since Hitler’s radical new approach to the power shower.
Did you know that I’m often prone to senseless and often tasteless hyperbole? Thought I’d mention it.
For years I remained in my stupor, trying to drink away the pain, occasionally scoffing a Reece’s Piece to try and numb the pain and taking out my supressed anger on any Caramel Kit Kat’s that got in my way.
As a result of this, I am now banned from every supermarket in my area and must do my shopping online. But, just when things seemed hopeless and the world was at its bleakest, a ray of light shone down from the heavens
One day as I was walking past a store which had long since had me banished, I caught a glimpse of a poster in the window. At first I thought I was dreaming, I ran up to the store window and pressed my face up against the glass. “It can’t be true” I thought. Without thinking I ran through the automatic doors and past a security guard, shoppers turned in horror, the security guard immediately stepped forth, a look in his eye like he may have to take me out for good this time, like a vegetarian putting down a rabid dog.
“Wait!” I shouted. “I mean no harm; just let me see it and hold it in my hands one more time”
With a look of wide eyed unease, the security guard eased down. Slowly I approached the shelf, edging closer and closer, fearful that this was yet another lucid dream. The closer I got, the greater the tension. Nearby a woman sobbed while a group of trolley attendants looked on, dead eyed and unnervingly vacant. Finally I grabbed it and in a moment that moved everyone who saw it, I fell to my knees and wept. Tears of joy.
This probably didn’t happen.
But yes, point is that Nestle have brought back the Peanut Butter Chunky Kit Kat AKA the best thing ever made. But there’s a catch, it’s for a limited time only. As part of some shameless money grabbing promotional tactic (But dare I say, rather brilliant) Nestle have released 4 variations of the Chunky Kit Kat and have left it to you Joe public, to decide who will stay and who will go. How do you go about this you ask, well I’ll show you
Ah Facebook, whether it’s a campaign for saving a lost chocolate bar or airing dirty laundry in public, it’s good to know people are using the site correctly. Still, there are those out there who could bring those of us who have loved, lost and now have a chance to love again back from the dead thanks to the social networking site. Sure White Chocolate is nice in moderation, but in bulk it’s too much of a good thing and you’ll soon be sick of it. Triple Chocolate is your safe option, you know where you stand, what you see is what you get, but you’ll always be yearning for more. Then there’s Orange. Orange is like settling for your second choice for prom date, she’s pretty, she laughs at your jokes and she’ll make you feel good about yourself for a short period of time, but she’s not the girl of your dreams and you’ll never be in love with her.
That hyperbole thing. You were warned.
So anyway, get your ass to Facebook right now and vote for the
girl of your dreams, Kit Kat Peanut Butter.