Olympic Spectator Arrested For Failing To Smile


The punchline is he has Aspergus so actually CAN’T smile. Nice one lads.


So it’s the Olympics and how are we all feeling? Inspired? Patriotic? Overjoyed? Good, the the official emotions of London 2012, as it should be. Indifferent? Underwhelmed? To paraphrase Surrey Police “You better fvcking not be”.

According to Private Eye a 54-year old man was arrested at the road cycling last weekend by police who described him as being “too close for comfort to the competitors”. Presumably he was no closer than the rest of the crowd but “his manner, and state of dress” made him a suspect and he was handcuffed, thrown in a van and taken to Reigate police station where, according to him, questioning focused on why he did not seem to be enjoying the event.

Now in this context we can only assume that this question was not asked, as it usually is, with apologetic concern for the man’s enjoyment but by snarling coppers with 1930’s-style German accents and foaming German dogs on leads barely keeping them from the man’s testicles.

Thankfully, he had an excuse. He has Parkinsons disease which causes muscle rigidity in his face and prevents him from smiling. He could also prove an interest in sport, having just that day helped run sports tasters at Mole Valley Olympic park. He was therefore grudgingly released. Cynics must remain vigilant however, the police may have lost this battle but the war against insufficient enthusiasm is far from over.


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