If there’s one thing you could bet your bottom dollar on back in the days before Gmail, it was that you would receive at least a couple of these ridiculous emails from Nigerian scam artists asking you to give them an extremely large amount of money in return for an even larger amount of money. Most people just read these and have a giggle at how dumb they are and never actually reply, but there are some stories of dumbasses who actually go over to Nigeria and get their fingers broken and lose all their money.
For most of us though, it’s just a brief distraction. Usually they follow the same template of someone being in jail so they can’t access their fortune or something, but this latest effort really deserves a 10/10 for creativity as it involves a Nigerian astronaut being trapped in space with the recipient of the email naturally being the only person who can rescue him. Classic.
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If you can’t read that then here’s all the text:
Subject: Nigerian Astronaut Wants To Come Home
Dr. Bakare Tunde
Astronautics Project Manager
National Space Research and Development Agency (NASRDA)
Garki, Abuja, FCT NIGERIA
Dear Mr. Sir,
REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.
In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.
Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.
Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.
Kindly expedite action as we are behind schedule to enable us include downpayment in this financial quarter.
Please acknowledge the receipt of this message via my direct number 234 (0) 9-234-2220 only.
Yours Sincerely, Dr. Bakare Tunde
Astronautics Project Manager
Wow. I mean A+ for creativity there seriously. Although it isn’t exactly way more convincing than most of the crappy stories these guys normally send through, it’s pretty entertaining and awesome. I really like the added detail of the space ship names and the rations. It’s also kind of dumb that they’re asking people to believe they’re just gonna leave their spacemen up there because that never happens – haven’t they seen The Martian or Apollo 13?
Did you know if you actually reply to these guys though then they’re sure to keep the conversation going in increasingly bizarre fashion? Check out some of the best examples of scam baiting here.