Scientists John C. Holliday and Noah Soule of the International Journal of Medicinal Mushrooms (cool job dudes) have discovered a species of mushrooms in Hawaii that cause women to spontaneously orgasm. Sounds like everyone’s problems in the bedroom could be over forever, right?
The mushroom is called Phallus Indusiatus (heh heh, phallus) and was first discovered back in 2001. It’s a mushroom that glows in lava flows and causes women to jizz their panties all over the place whenever they’re anywhere near it. This is because the hormone compounds in the mushroom are similar to the neurotransmitters that a woman releases during sex. Basically it’s guaranteed to do the business, which unfortunately isn’t the case for a lot of men out there.
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Holliday and Soule discovered during their research that over half of the women tested achieved orgasm upon simply smelling the mushroom, whereas every single one of them experienced some kind of sexual arousal. Like I said, it’s a guaranteed crowd pleaser. Also, I’m sure the fact that it looks a little bit like a penis won’t be lost on anyone reading this. Just a shame it does the job better than most of them out there.
Although it doesn’t work on everyone unfortunately. If a guy smells the mushroom, they don’t even get so much as a slight boner. In fact, they’re said to absolutely hate the smell of it so you could probably describe it as a bonafide boner killer. Still, I guess it’s a lot easier for a guy to blow his load than it is a girl so it’s only fair that this magical mushroom exists for them.
The only question really is why the hell somebody hasn’t mass marketed it yet? I suppose that would leave the entire male population redundant, that’s why. Maybe New York’s youngest mushroom dealer can get his hands on some.