Everyone knows someone who has suffered a serious injury to their dick – there’s usually a funny/embarrassing story behind it involving some sort of weird sex position, sordid act or freak occurrence.
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But while this sort of scenario is the stuff of nightmares for pretty much anyone, there’s really no shame in injuring your schlong. In fact, a good proportion of people damage their dicks on a near-daily basis.
And while you can’t actually, technically, break your boner, there are some pretty common penis injuries which, though painful, are easily treated or, better yet, can even be prevented. Here are the five most common penis injuries suffered by men.
5. DIY Sex Toys
While the use of cock rings is increasingly commonplace among men eager to please in the bedroom, one of the most common problems faced by hospitals up and down the land is the dreaded DIY sex toy.
Rather than fork out on something designed primarily for bonking, these blokes often take the law into their own hands with any number of homemade sex toy monstrosities that usually end up with the male’s member looked decidedly swollen and in need of assistance.
Don’t be a cheapskate and, in the event you do get yourself jammed up in a toy or something you put together yourself, seek medical assistance immediately.
4. A Dislocated Bollock
Testicular torsion, or the condition more commonly known as a dislocated bollock, occurs when the spermatic cord attached to the testicle gets twisted, cutting blood flow off to the testicle and causing serious pain.
Once common among athletes, the arriving of bike shorts and skin-tight underwear put paid to the problem among sportsmen. It’s different in the bedroom though; testicular torsion is basically unavoidable and something that can occur for no medical reason. Yikes.
3. Prolonged Erections
For men of a certain age or persuasion, prolonged erections, or priapism, is part of the territory when taking a medication like Viagra or Cialis – this is kind of what you signed up for, unfortunately.
But it’s actually a problem that occurs more often than you think. Several major medications used in the treatment of conditions like anxiety or depression have been known to list prolonged erections among their side effects. In any case, you should immediately head to the hospital in the event of prolonged erection – an erection maintained for 10 hours or more can result in permanent damage.
2. Dick Bruising
A common enough scenario: you wake after a night of raucous fun with a partner only to find a large, lumpy, bruise near to your junk. Your immediate reaction is probably one of shock and fear but that need not be the case.
Bruising in and around the dick is pretty standard for some. It often comes down to whether the bones of a partner’s hips match up with the soft tissue of the standard male crotch. In a position like, say, doggy-style, this kind of match-up can result in excessive repetitive actions that lead to the kind of swelling in the groin that might appear like a punch. It’s not, but getting it checked out at a hospital isn’t going to do any harm, is it?
1. Fracturing Your Penis
The term “penis fracture” may not be all that commonly used, but it’s actually the most commonly seen dick-related injury and, once you read what it exactly is, the chances are a fair few of you will either wince or nod in recognition.
Penis fracture occurs when the tough outer lining of the penis tears during sex. It usually happens when a man’s erect penis gets banged directly into their partner’s public bone. Often, it occurs when the female is on top during sex and thrusting down on the aforementioned member.
Interestingly, this kind of injury is also associated with drunken sex and instances where the woman, on top, loses coordination and slams her pelvic bone down on an erect penis. Everyone involved will know it has happened with almost immediate effect – the bloke involved in likely to scream his head off.
A visit to Accident and Emergency is advised. For more of the same, check out this list of what people got stuck up their ass last year. Real eye opening.