Ah airports. The only place where it’s normal to order a pint of Stella with your breakfast at 8AM. In fact that’s a lie, it’s also totally acceptable/pretty much expected for you to order a pint of Stella with your full English when you’re in Wetherspoons at 8AM, but if you find yourself in Wetherspoons at 8AM, you’ve probably been up partying all night and haven’t had any sleep, so it’s usually just a Stella, scrap the breakfast. But it’s true, most people who are about to board a plane will treat themselves to a swift scoop before boarding. Whether this is to calm their nerves before their flight, or if just getting to the airport officially marks ‘the start of the holiday’, both reasons for drinking in the early morning are completely acceptable at any British airport.
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I’ve been lucky enough to avoid any airport experiences of ‘lads on tour’ stag groups that are always acting lairy as fvck from the second they get in to the airport because they’re on their fackin’ holiday innit. These guys will get rowdy and probably make you feel very uncomfortable during your time spent near them. Thing is, they’re all usually in good spirits and just excited at the prospect that they have the next 7 days to spend some quality bro time with their fellow brosephs. They’ll have 2 pairs of fresh chinos, 5 new vests, a pair of Toms/Vans and their perma-tans all ready for the slags they meet on tour. I don’t really need to worry about these dudes, it’s pricks like the breh in the video below you need to watch out for. It all starts with this tall white dude shouting something in the black dude’s face before taking off his jacket. The black dude is obviously offended by what he says so takes off his jacket and squares up to the bro. Swings are thrown and eventually the fat mall cops arrive on their Segways. Check it: