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THIS IS WHY TERRORISTS SHOULD BE AFRAID OF MARK WAHLBERG

Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch

Mark Wahlberg would have saved United Flight 93 on 9/11. Because he loves to beat up minorities.

Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch

You’re on an aeroplane when suddenly a group of armed terrorists hijack the flight. Who you gonna call?

Mark Wahlberg.

Well, that’s what he thinks anyway.

In an interview for February’s issue of American Men’s Journal, Wahlberg discussed how he would totally have saved the day had he been on United Flight 93. This was the flight which crashed on September 11 after the passengers on board fought back against the terrorists who had taken control of the plane and in doing so, on a day in which some 5000 people died, potentially saved the lives of thousands of others.

Of course, if Wahlberg had been on board, the only people who would have died would have been the terrorists. Just ask him:

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.'”

Precisely how his kids — the first of which was born in 2003 — could be on a flight in 2001 he didn’t specify.

But, Wahlberg’s ability to time travel with his children to the most dangerous moments in mankind’s history aside, he wasn’t just blindly speculating on what he would have done had he been on United 93. He was supposed to have been on the flight but changed his plans the week before.

This wasn’t the first time he’s spoken about how he would have saved the day either. In an interview in 2006, Wahlberg said, “We certainly would have tried to do something to fight.”

Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

(Marky Mark didn’t say as much explicitly, but I like to think when he says “we”, he’s referring to himself and the Funky Bunch.)

Since making these statements, plenty of people have criticized Wahlberg for getting his real-life personality a little too mixed up with his characters of tough-guy cop/boxer/army man/stalker. One such person to criticize was Deena Burnett-Bailey, whose husband Tom was one of the passengers who helped take United 93 down.

“Does Mark Wahlberg have a pilot’s license? Then I think hindsight is 20/20 and it’s insignificant to say what you would have done if you weren’t there. The plan for Flight 93 was foiled by heroes. For him to speculate that his presence on board could have stopped everything is silly and disrespectful.”

And if you aren’t familiar with Wahlberg, you would have to agree with Ms Burnett-Bailey.

But, despite Wikipedia being down for the day, I managed to do a little background on Wahlberg and feel certain he would have been up for a little first-class bloodshed.

You see, in 1988, Wahlberg went to prison. His crime? Yelling racial slurs at and assaulting two Vietnamese men, one of whom was left permanently blind in one eye, in two completely unprovoked attacks.

So if Wahlberg likes beating up on minorities unprovoked, imagine how he’s going to react to a group of Saudi Arabian men — in America — who do provoke him.

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