CHIRPSES

Man Burns Down Apartment Because Management Wouldn’t Let Him Masturbate With The Windows Open

Haskins

Fair play to this guy for fighting in what he believed in.

We’ve all come across a few odd characters in our lifetimes. You know the sort, the ones who make you a bit nervous as you talk to them at a party and your eyes dart desperately around the room trying to make eye contact with someone to save you from this painfully awkward encounter.

Well step right up Kenneth Haskins from Florida, you sir have one of the weirdest stories I’ve had the pleasure of reading this week. As you can see from his mug shot, Kenneth has a facial disfigurement, which was a result of a self-inflicted shotgun blast. But that’s only the tip of the iceberg. Kenneth was arrested for burning down his apartment building in a fit of rage, destroying his and four others people’s apartments, leaving them homeless.

But what led him to such drastic actions? Well apparently, Kenneth felt that the management of the building were being unreasonable, as they cautioned him for masturbating with his windows and doors open. That’s right. Kenneth completely lost his shit over not being able to masturbate to an audience. What a guy.

Haskins

Kenneth was charged with first-degree arson and was held without bail. So it looks as though he’ll be facing a long stint behind bars.

Come on management, all he wanted was an open door policy on his morning ritual is that really too much to ask? Maybe he should get together with the woman found fondling uncooked meat in Walmart. #RelationshipGoals indeed.

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