Over the weekend, it was claimed that an individual had let a lion loose in Essex. Having previously spoken on the subject of Essex, I’m pretty sure it was someone who’d had a major breakdown. It was probably after the batteries ran out in their TV remote, and they were made to endure the new series of ‘TOWIE’ after refusing to move from the sofa.
No sane person would keep a lion as a pet. But then, we’ve already established that Essex may not be an area known for its flourishing intellectuals – which could explain how one got loose. There have been numerous sightings of a supposed ‘big cat’, which lead to British police actually going out and looking for one; forty officers to be precise. This was alongside tranquilizer-toting zoo experts and a pair of heat seeking helicopters. The residents of St. Osyth village, where the animal was sighted, were obviously concerned. They were told not to leave their house until they were given the all clear. It all seems a bit much, for a sighting which could have been the product of a hallucinogenic trip. The pictures which the witnesses provided were pretty loch ness monsteresque.
One woman has claimed that her cat ‘Teddy Bear’ could have been mistaken for the rogue lion. Ginny Murphy said her ginger Maine Coon cat, which is the largest domesticated breed, regularly roams the fields where the creature was spotted. There should be serious safety concerns if a domesticated cat breed is available, which can be mistaken for a lion due to its size.
This could potentially be a case of newspapers not being able to fill their pages. Nevertheless, there are always those who love to satirise a situation, and the story wasn’t lacking in comedic commentary. An Essex Lion twitter account appeared on Twitter, receiving well over 36,000 followers after the incident was reported. The Mirror has also included a list of the best Essex Lion cracks, with some obviously at the expense of the ‘towie’ crew. Apart from St. Osyth, I could think of better places in Essex to let a lion loose.
– The temptation for the residents of Essex to sing the lion sleeps tonight is only a whim away. #essexlion
– It’s just going to turn out that Arg was watching Born Free on his 3D telly and got confused, isn’t it? #essexlion [Michael Moran, @TheMichaelMoran]
– This is getting interesting. The Essex Lion has just taken refuge in the Ecuadorian embassy #essexlion [David Schneider, @davidschneider]
– Who let the lion out, who who who who who #EssexLion
– Paul Gascoigne sighted in Essex with a tin of Whiskers. #lion
– A lion has been spotted in Essex? Has he no pride? #essexlion
– NEWS FLASH: After further investigation police have reported that lion in Essex is in fact a cheetah with spray tan & hair extensions.
– Someone reckons they saw a big cat in Essex? They’re Lion.
– i heard the Essex lion is going tiger tiger tonight. said he’ll fit right in
– Could a Picnic have been mistaken for a Lion Bar in Essex? OK, I’ll get my coat [Kevin Maguire, @Kevin_Maguire]
– oh god. multiple Essex lion twitter accounts already. annoyingly typical reaction to a quirky British animal news story. IT WILL NOT LAST. [Fenton, @Fentonthedog]
– Text from Prince Harry: “There’s a lion loose in Essex? Big deal. You should see the dogs in Vegas”. Awkward. #essexlion
– For the best news story ever, we just need 1 of The Only Way is Essex girls to be wearing a zebra style jacket & for that lion to swing by
– Hope they manage to find the Essex lion before somebody persuades it to get mane extensions and a vajazzle.
– *patiently waits for someone to photoshop Fresco Monkey Jesus’s face onto a lion*
– Imagine how much dollar you could make if you owned Leigh on Sea’s only all-you-can-eat gazelle buffet [Michael Moran, @TheMichaelMoran]
– There’s a lion on the loose in Essex. Which is annoying, as one had specifically said “let it out in Downing Street”. [Elizabeth Windsor, @Queen_UK]
– BREAKING NEWS: A lion is loose in Essex Police are concerned that with his orange skin and big mouth that he might not be seen.
– Everyone beware of the lion on the loose in Essex. This is genuine. His not friendly like Tony the Tiger. His a moody lion [Brian Belo, @brian_belo]
– Still trying to find the lion loose in Essex. Might have to use the cast of TOWIE as bait. #essexlion