Wow. What a headline. If I was Kolo Toure I would probably be using the fact that I was Kolo Toure to get into girls’ pants , not pretending to be a fvcking car salesman. But apparently that’s exactly what Kolo Toure did. In fairness it probably wasn’t the fact that he was a car salesman that got him laid, he was probably pulling out some sick chirpse on her too, it’s just bare lolz to think that Kolo Toure was pretending to be a car salesman whilst he was chirpsing her. He didn’t pretend to be a car salesman to impress her though (even though being a car salesman is obviously really impressive), he did it so she didn’t figure out he was cheating on his wife. Player.
The woman sounds really dumb though. Not just because she didn’t know that Kolo Toure was a footballer (she’s a girl, give her a break0 and thought he was a used car salesman, but because despite the fact that she’s a model from Zimbabwe living in Manchester she still had sex with him for two years and seemed to be really into him despite the fact that it seemed like he treated her like absolute shit the whole time. I mean the fact that she’s a model would probably mean that guys were into her so she should be able to bag a boyfriend and not just be a cumbucket for whenever Kolo Toure was feeling horny and his wife wasn’t doing it for him. But nah, instead she just let herself be that cumbucket. Here’s how it went down.
Her name is Kessel Kauslyo and she met Kolo Toure outside some club in Manchester and he got her number. Smooth. Then he met her at a hotel a couple of times and banged her. Surely if you’re meeting someone at a hotel that’s gotta set some alarm bells off? The only reason that anyone would ever meet a girl at a hotel would be because they were having an affair right? Apparently it went on like this from September to December of 2010, and basically it just seems like Kolo would call her whenever he was horny and they would meet up in a hotel and fvck. Which is cool, but I would have expected a woman to have a bit more self respect than that and maybe she would wanna catch a movie or get some food or something. Kolo would buy her loads of presents though – which mainly seemed to consist of sexy lingerie – so I guess maybe she was stoked on getting all of that. Although that makes the whole thing even more trashy because it’s kinda like she’s a hooker. I mean they even met up in hotels!
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I guess after a while Kolo got bored or felt bad about his wife or something so he didn’t call her for 9 months.Then out of nowhere he gives her a shout and says that he misses her or whatever and it’s back on. She didn’t seem to mind too much that he hadn’t called her for 9 months and was only too happy to start banging him again as he bought her loads of presents. They kept seeing each other for a while longer, even though Kolo Toure was really weird and refused to meet any of her friends or have his picture taken. It doesn’t sound like they went on any dates either they would just meet at hotels or Kessel’s place and fvck, which sounds kinda cool from a guy’s perspective but not really that cool from the gir’ls perspective. Still, Kessel didn’t seem to mind because she got loads of free stuff all the time and got to bang Kolo all the time.
The story gets a bit weird here because she reckons that he told her to go to Paris and meet him there, which doesn’t really make any sense at all but she refused to because she hadn’t met his parents yet? What? Kolo Toure did come up with quite a sick blag at this point though as to why she couldn’t meet them because he said they were really strict Muslims and would be pissed of that she wasn’t a Muslim. That’s a sick line. Even though she wouldn’t go to Paris with him they keep seeing each other for a while but then she finally got a bit mad that he was so secretive all the time (I mean he was getting MARRIED during this period so their relationship was probably a bit awkward/stopstart) and wouldn’t let her take pictures of them together and other weird stuff, so she decided to split up with him in September. Then finally last week or whatever she figured out that she had been having an affair with Kolo Toure and not some used car salesman called Francois.
She was really upset about it apparently which I don’t really get because it sounds like he was really weird and treated her like shit throughout their entire relationship, if you can even call it a relationship. Stil, treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen I guess.
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