This has got to be one of the stupidest stories I have ever heard, but also one of the coolest. It sounds like a plot to a really bad movie or something but apparently it was 100% real. So yeah, there was a murder conspriracy involving AT LEAST three guys – one of whom is currently serving two life sentences in prison for the rape and murder of a 15 year old girl in Vermont – to castrate Justin Bieber and then kill him. I’m not entirely sure how this was gonna work but I’ll try and tell the story as best I can from the sources I have which are mainly from the Huffington Post.
So yeah basically this guy who was in prison serving two life sentences was called Dana Martin and was a complete Justin Bieber fanboy, in that he is completely obsessed with Justin Bieber and even has a tattoo of him on his leg which is just a little bit freaky but I guess you gotta find something to do whilst you’re in prison, right? He met this other dude Mark Staake when he was in the slammer and they started getting on real well and hanging out all the time and probably buttfucking each other too because that’s what goes on in prison. If you don’t believe me go watch Oz.
Anyway, Staake was only in for a couple of years or whatever so had to leave his buddy after a while, but not before the two had planned to castrate and murder Justin Bieber at this sold out show at Madison Square Garden last month. In order to do this, Martin devised a plan in which Staake and his nephew Tanner Ruane – who was also recruited at this point – would strangle Bieber and his bodyguards with a paisley tie (what?? Why paisley? Answer – it was Martin’s calling card when he was murdering people back in the day) and then castrate him afterwards.
It’s not really clear as to why they wanted to do this or what they thought it would achieve, but like I said it must get pretty boring behind bars so I guess creating an elaborate murder conspiracy is one way to pass the time. It seems more and more clear that Staake was totally manipulated/controlled/in love with Dana Martin too as I don’t think there’s any other way that somebody would think it was a good idea to murder and castrate the biggest celebrity in the world for no real reason. Prison does some fucked up things to you bro. Martin had also ordered them to take out a couple of old acquaintances in Vermont too but that isn’t really that interesting in the context of a plot to murder Justin Bieber, although they were ordered to strangle these dudes with the paisley tie too.
So yeah, apparently the conspiracy was all going according to plan. Ruane had some pruning sheers and a paisley tie and other tools that could be used to murder, as well as information about Bieber and his bodyguards and how best to murder them and when to do it and all systems were go. Unfortunately at that point, Dana Martin flipped a switch in his brain and decided to call the cops on his two accomplices. WTF dude? Seriously? I’m not saying a murder conspiracy is cool or anything but if you’re going to hire people to murder some other people then don’t fvcking snitch on them. What an absolute asshole.
Staake and Ruane got picked up and that was that. I guess they’re back in prison now and Staake and Martin are reunited, which I guess was maybe what he wanted all along but he also got to hit the newspapers by creating an elaborate plot to castrate Justin Bieber. Wait to go guy, even behind bars he’s still pulling the strings. I bet he’s just sitting there in his cell laughing to himself whilst ramming Staake up the butt. Creepy.
Here’s a news report from ABQ (can’t spell it properly so easier to abbreviate it) if you don’t believe that it’s true: