FOOTBALL

Jose Mourinho: Still Bossin’

The Unique One pulled his latest stunt yesterday, before the kick-off of the Madrid derby. No other manager would think to do it, let alone have the bottle.

I can’t quite believe that Jose Mourinho has been getting some grief from Real Madrid fans recently. Honestly, how prissy and entitled do you have to be to moan about having The Unique One as your manager. Get a fuckin’ sense of perspective, dickheads. Try having Rafa ‘Fat Spanish Shit-Goatee Git’ Benitez running the show, see how you like that. See how you like being the laughing stock of the country (well, slightly more than usual). I’d give my left ball to have Mou-Mou back.

Well Jose decided to confront his doubters yesterday in classic Jose style – the way only Jose can.

Yesterday, half an hour before kick-off against derby rivals Atletico Madrid, the boss walked out of the tunnel and onto the pitch, and stood, hands in pockets, alone, presenting himself to the fans.

As fans gradually began to turn and notice, a variety of sounds descended on his lonely figure. At first, you could hear boos pitter-patter here and there as the idiots took their chance to berate this piece of crap for a manager that has absolutely no idea what he’s doing, despite beating the ‘best team in the world’ to La Liga title last year. But as more and more were alerted to what was going on, the air became overpowered with the tune of Guiseppe Verdi’s La Donna e mobile. (Yes, I did just Google it.)

“JOSE MOURINHO! JOSE MOURINHO! JOSE MOURINHO! JOSE MOURINHO!”

He let the beautifully simplistic song ring out for a while, before turning around and returning to the dressing room, without uttering a word.

You could look at this bold move as a managerial masterstroke. While the players were safely tucked away, getting changed, warming the muscles and psyching their minds, preparing for this massively important game against their local, Falcao-weilding rivals, after losing to Real Betis last week which had caused them to slump 11 points behind those bastards in red and blue, Mourinho gave the fans a chance to vent all their frustrations directly at him. He presented himself, like Jesus on the cross, to bear the punishment for the sins of the whole team. That way, there would be far less of a reaction when they all came out as a team, and the players stepped on to the pitch, as the fans will have already got it out of their system. If he had done nothing, something a stupid pussy like Benitez might do, there could have been a lot of negative energy when the team emerged and stepped onto the pitch, which would have shaken the players’ fragile focus and confidence and they would have bottled the whole game, and they would have lost.

Alternatively, you could look at this bold move as a managerial masterstroke. Jose Mourinho had said absolutely nothing. He had taken a few steps into view and stood there, radiating confidence. With only a simple, wordless action, he employed the supporters with the helpful, positive, correct attitude to shout down the supporters with the wrong attitude, and show them the size of the cocks on their heads. The haters and nay-sayers had been literally silenced by the loyal, intelligent and respectful fans.

He knew at least one of the two was going to happen, so it was a win-win situation. You could argue that that means he had nothing to lose, doing what he did. But no other manager in the world would even think of doing it, let alone pull it off with so much self-assurance and charisma.

As it turned out, both outcomes happened.

Real Madrid won 2-0.

Best manager in the world. Discuss.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVNy_EhcwXk’]

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