Jim’ll Paint It

Jim'll Paint It For You

Whatever your heart’s desire, whatever your wildest dream, whatever your deepest fantasy; Jim’ll paint it for you. With absolutely no risk of rape. Honest.

Jim'll Paint It For You

There was once a time when all your dreams could come true. Anything your youthful heart might desire, anything your fruitful imagination could conjure, could be yours. This once upon a time wasn’t even a one-off upon a time; from the 70s through to 90s and then a brief period in the 00s, one man sought to see your dreams come true. ‘Saint!’ I hear you cry, but there was a cost to be had, there was a price on your childhood fantasies — probable sexual assault.

We’ve learned this, though perhaps we should’ve twigged a little sooner — we’ve learned that no one is that willing to fix it for you for thirty plus years without fixing a little something for themselves. Unfortunately, that little something happened to be little people in the form of children, and their little naivety and innocent little dreams. A cost that they paid in silence for the rest of their lives.

Jimmy Savile Honoured

Anyhow, Jimmy Saville’s dead and it’s all come to light now, if a little late. It’s quite a heavy subject, so to make light of it we’ll move on from the whacky molestation adventures of TV Land in the seventies, and its prolific king rapist good, ol’ saintly Jim, to another saintly Jim — a modern day hero.

You see this Jim, whilst sharing the same name, is a different Jim altogether — unless dead paedophiles have access to the internet. This Jim seeks to do things right, to bring those dreams and desires to life without the cost of rape. There’s no cost at all, and for that we thank our new saint of hopes and dreams. All you have to do is write into dear ol’ new Jim and while he can’t quite fix it for you he can sure as hell recreate it on MS Paint.

The man is an artist and wish granter. He makes dreams comes true in the most colourful and beautiful way imaginable. Bask in his good work, and why not write a letter of your own. That one thing you’ve always wanted? Jim’ll paint it.

Jim’ll paint it. For you. With absolutely no risk of rape. Honest.


Dear Jim,

Please paint me Ann Widdecombe riding Space Mountain.

All the best,

Adam Maddox

Ann Widdecombe Riding Space Mountain

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Dear Jim,

Please paint me Morrissey eating a horse.



Morrissey Eats Horse

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Dear Jim,

Please paint me an anthropomorphised New York skyline battling a giant religiously fanatical prawn. Meanwhile the diamond falcon contemplates.

All the best,

Carl Brown

New York Skyline VS The Religious Giant Prawn

☛ The Secret Inspiration To This Last One? : Ben Fogle Took Acid And Tripped His Balls Off



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