We all know John Lennon, right? That pretentious junkie musician that used to linger around Yoko Ono like a fly on shit? Who, in the shape of a permanent opinionated presence, forced some serious falling out with her bestest artist friends and a rapid decline in her not being an arsehole?
Of course, I’m kidding. We all know who John Lennon is — singer, guitarist, co-lead songwriter with arguably the most important rock’n’roll/pop band of the 20th century (or ever), solo artist, hippie, political activist, beard fanatic, drug enthusiast/occasional junkie, artist, actor, filmmaker, phony and renowned hitter of women.
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In spite of it being a generally well-established and well-supported fact that he was in fact a cunt; he was, and still is, considered an incredibly talented man in an incredibly talented band. So much so that Liam Gallagher has honest to God been quoted as saying that he believes himself to in fact be the reincarnation of Lennon, despite being born 8 years before Lennon’s death, and named his son Lennon.
So when musing on the influence Lennon has had on the world as a result of his brief stint here, or the impact that his untimely assassination at the hands of, big time Catcher in the Rye fan, Mark Chapman had — what is the most significant thing one can think of?
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The correct answer is that whether The Beatles were bigger than Jesus or not, they were certainly huge in Brazil, and they have a massive Jesus. Of The Beatles, it would seem the right honourable John Lennon was every screaming Brazilian Beatlefan’s favourite and this resulted in a near nation of newborns names after the infamous Beatle — especially in the wake of his death.
Now that they’re all grown up, what guiding light in life, what inspiration, have they taken from their parents’ idol? Well, apart from turning up dead, not a whole lot apparently. Over the last two months police in Brazil have arrested known drug trafficker John Lenon Camargos Gomes on five counts of murder and two of attempted murder, John Lennon Fonseca Ferreira during a robbery, John Lennon Ribeiro Siqueria for a lottery shop robbery with the final member of this Fab Four John Lennon Sebastiao da Silva, being found dead in his vehicle as the victim of a believed revenge attack. Could this be the start of something bigger?
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2012 threatened us with a zombie apocalypse and the just plain and simple end of the world. What does this spate of fledgling Lennon named crime mean? Had Lennon planned this all along? Are there subliminal messages hidden in all of Lennon’s lyrics? Was he building an army? Is this World War Lennon? Is it the Lennon apocalypse? Once his Brazilian minions have united and risen up, will Lennon return and claim his rightful place as ruler of this Earth? Will Liam Gallagher’s son Lennon in fact be the true reincarnation of Lennon and the Lennon army’s fearless leader?
He might’ve preached peace, but he was clearly preparing for war. Be afraid.