FOOD

Human DNA Found In Vegetarian Hot Dogs

Human Hot Dog

Time to avoid sausage shaped meat once and for all.

We all know how dodgy hot dogs are. We’re often told they contain anything but what they should: pig’s trotters, snouts, pigeon beaks – the lot. But this takes the repulsive hot dog swindle to the next level.

Here’s a quote from WPXI new:

Talk about mystery meat: A new Report claims your hot dog or veggie dog may have unintended “special ingredient” — human DNA.

Yep. Have you ever seen that film Soylent Green, where an overly industrialised world has left the world permanently overcrowded, polluted and stagnant? 40 million people live in New York City alone, homeless people fill the streets and half the population are unemployed. Everyone subsists on rations produced by the Soylent Corporation. Their newest product: Soylent Green, is made of traces of human.

If not, remember that South Park episode where Cartman feeds that kid Scott Tenorman his parents in a bowl of chilli? Both fucked. Well that’s what’s happening – in real life.

Cartman

Clear Food, a food-analysis company recently examined 345 hot dogs and sausages. According to the report, they found human DNA in 2% of the products tested. Sounds like the horsemeat scandal all over again, this time with actual people though.

It actually gets worse, because two-thirds of the human DNA samples were found in the veggie dogs/sausages. So, without pointing fingers, you vegetarians are actually more earth shatteringly gross than meat eaters.

The report also says that more than 14% of the samples, which came from 75 brands and 10 different retailers, “were problematic in some way.” I don’t like the vagueness in that, ‘problematic’? That’s a bit general isn’t it? Also, there were traces of meat in 10% of the vegetarian products.

The saving grace in all this is this was an American report. No doubt some of those products make their way over to us however. The brands that performed well were Butterball, McCormick, Eckrich, Hebrew National, Gardein and Oscar Mayer. Keep an eye out, or just sack off all sausage shaped meat from America.

Too grossed out? Want something lovely to cling on to today? Well here’s some perfectly timed pictures of dogs that make them look absolutely huge. N’aww.


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