It seems like forever since the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard court case was providing us with daily blog fodder, but it really feels like this Gwyneth Paltrow case is flying under the radar a little bit as far as bonkers celebrity trials go.

Gwyneth is being sued by a 76-year-old eye doctor who is accusing her of smashing into him while skiing and leaving him with a traumatic brain injury which means he can ‘no longer enjoy wine tasting’, so I guess it stands to reason that the whole court case has been off the rails from the beginning.

Last week, in classic deluded celebrity fashion, Gwyneth Paltrow’s lawyer asked permission from the judge to bring in treats for the bailiffs. Unsurprisingly, the judge immediately turned down this request because I suppose the lawyer was too scared to tell Gwyneth that there’s no chance he would ever agree:

..watching the gwyneth paltrow ski crash trial ⛷️..here’s GP’s lawyer asking permission to bring in treats 🍬 for the bailiffs..the whole exchange felt like “nursery school time” 🤭#GwynethPaltrowSkiCrashTrial #gwenethpaltrowtrial #GwynethPaltrow pic.twitter.com/tcFCUy5tks

— lucylovesme 🇺🇸 (@AdlerCatherine) March 23, 2023

Things got weirder from there as Gwyneth took the stand and the prosecutor proceeded to flirt with her like they were in some kind of lesbian courtroom rom com:

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow testified in a Utah courtroom this week for a civil trial after a retired optometrist accused her of crashing into him while skiing on a bunny hill at an upscale Park City resort seven years ago. https://t.co/KUEHMyDXpT pic.twitter.com/GrXpd5K9Jh

— The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) March 25, 2023

I mean, imagine reading all that in the court transcript, which is now public record? You’d think it was Gwyneth Paltrow having a chat with Ellen on TV or something, not being ‘grilled’ over nearly killing a man on the ski slopes.

Interestingly, Paltrow’s own narrative is that the retired optometrist crashed into her, and what’s more, she thought she was being sexually assaulted:

I was hit by Mr. Sanderson, and he was at fault.

I was skiing and two skis came between my skis, forcing my legs apart, and then there was a body pressing against me. And there was a very strange grunting noise. So my brain was trying to make sense of what was happening.

I thought, ‘Is this a practical joke? Is someone, like, doing something perverted? This is really, really strange.’

Obviously it’s never a joke when one person is claiming to have suffered permanent physical damage and the other is claiming to have been sexually assaulted, but you can’t help but laugh at what came next – Gwyneth Paltrow announcing that she had lost something she’ll never be able to get back that day… a half day of skiing:

“well I lost half a day of skiing…” pic.twitter.com/SxX4MamNEv

— alex (@alex_abads) March 24, 2023

Incredible. There’s also the moment Paltrow was aggressively accused of being friends with Taylor Swift:

Taylor Swift was mentioned in Gwyneth Paltrow’s ongoing ski collision trial. pic.twitter.com/oGRjP2Hssp

— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) March 25, 2023

Here’s a couple of amusing takes from Twitter…

The Gwyneth Paltrow trial is the very whitest most privileged lawsuit I’ve ever seen – 2 wealthy people collide at low speed on a ski trip and the 1 is suing the other because he has lost interest in wine tasting.

You can’t make this stuff up.

— RedGray (@RedGray) March 24, 2023

OK, but what if Gwyneth Paltrow ran into you again and you got super wine tasting powers this time? The judge needs to at least consider this as a resolution.

— Rob Wesley (@eastwes) March 22, 2023

Well, whatever happens from here, we can only hope that justice will prevail. See you at the Alec Baldwin Rust shooting trial, coming soon…