We’ve all been there, and if you’re reading this now saying you haven’t then you’re either not smoking enough or you’re just lying. Just those few extra pulls on the spliff and things really can turn a pleasant pastime into a somewhat nasty and arduous ordeal. I have been there a couple of times for sure, often after festivals or other such activities in which tolerances seem to rise significantly, causing you to come home and think you can smoke a cross-joint to yourself like some sort of fvcking demi-god. It is at these times you quickly learn that you do not have lungs of steel, and your name sure as fvck isn’t Wiz Khalifa.
You all know the feeling I’m talking about, too. Whatever form it comes in, whether that be a spinning head, a complete inability to move your body, or even a big ol’ round of sicking up in your mates patio whilst you’re ridiculed for being such a pansy — being too lean is a terrible time, and probably exceeds the mental distress brought on by being too drunk. Here are 5 steps on what to do if you’ve pulled far too hard on the herbal remedy:
1. Get outside. If you’re already outside, then go for a walk. Preoccupying the mind with a change of scenery and menial mental tasks like checking the road before crossing it are all good ways of distracting the mind (listening to music also falls under this) from the anguish inevitable brought on by you being a billy-big-boy prick and smoking way too much. Fresh air is the shit.
2. If you’re with friends, excuse yourself. Nothing makes the already laborious task of managing an impending mental breakdown worse than being ridiculed by a bunch of scrotty lads pointing at you, because your skin tone resembles that of a Rizla. Get some alone time, because alone time is also the shit.
3. Don’t have a fag. So many people I know genuinely believe that smoking a cigarette after a joint helps control the effects of being too high. This is a colossal amount of bullshit — smoking cigarettes after smoking marijuana can enhance the effect on your body by around 11% for a normal cigarette or 20% if you’re smoking a menthol.
4. If you get into bed and your head is spinning heavily, then get back out. You need only to approach your place of rest when your body is straight & true enough to do so. If you try and soldier on through the heavy spinning, then you’re going to chunder over those sheets like a bitch, I promise you. Don’t go to bed until enough walks & fresh air have at least made you feel halfway back to normal
5. Drink water. Quite a fvcking simple one really. I don’t know why in this instance water is better than anything else. I personally enjoy a good Appleteiser when I’m licked, but when you’ve gone over the edge you need simplicity and lots of liquid — first and foremost to cure that profound dry-mouth you will evidently find yourself with.
Of course, these 5 steps may be avoided entirely if you decided not to be a fvcking tool. Know your limits, use the herbal to medicate yourself as and when necessary, but don’t use it as a mind-altering substance — there’s plenty of other shit for that.