Bit of a weird one.
I recently stumbled across an article documenting a curious event that happened in 1988, in the small southern African nation of Lesotho — known as the Kingdom in the Sky because of its mountainous landscapes and lofty altitude.
In 1988 a 15-year-old girl from Lesotho presented herself at a local hospital with all the symptoms of a woman in labour. Not that unusual, until they went to check her vagina and discovered that she did not have one. The girl suffered from a birth defect called Mullerian agenesis, and had only a shallow skin dimple in place of genitals. It would seem that in terms of producing babies, vaginas are just not as important as they used to be and the doctors delivered a healthy baby boy via Caesarean.
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When staff at the hospital looked at the girl’s records they discovered that she had been admitted 278 days previously with a knife wound to her stomach. The average pregnancy lasts 280 days — the plot thickens. After interviewing her it transpired that the reason she was stabbed was because an ex-boyfriend had caught her giving her new boyfriend a blowjob — #Awkward — leading to a three-way knife battle. All for one, and one for all!
During this knife duel the sperm the girl had just swallowed somehow left her stomach through a stab wound and found its way to the ovaries. A weird testament to the unrivalled swimming ability of the hardy sperm — hats off to you all, you persistent little bastards.
So there you go: a girl with no vagina, blowjobs, a three-way knife battle and an unexpected pregnancy. It’s not the traditional interpretation but I feel this could shed some light on the mystery surrounding Jesus’ birth. And the fact that the church tries to play down this extremely seedy aspect to the virgin birth confirms to me that this is the greatest conspiracy since the world ended in 2012.
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