One of the best reasons to become a student is that you get to move out of your parents’ house (hopefully) and spend at least a year hooking up with everybody in your halls and trying out loads of kinky shit. But unfortunately you need to be careful and while for most people this just means wearing a condom, for others it means you have to make sure that you don’t get a vibrator stuck up your butt.
That’s exactly what happened to 24-year-old Emma Phillips from Wallasey, Merseyside after she had sex with her new boyfriend Lee:
We were looking around the bed in case it had fallen out. When I leaned on my stomach I could feel it vibrating – it was stuck low down and at one point was even wedged behind my hip.
For a while Lee was suggesting all kinds of wonderful options.
He tried a kitchen fork handle, which we won’t be using again, and said he could feel it at one point but that it was too far up – it was a goner.
He tried barbecue prongs too but after a certain point – after an hour of trying – we knew were going to have to go to hospital. We were both a bit shocked.
We’d both been drinking the night before so we couldn’t drive. I had to make the most embarrassing call to the ambulance at 7am.
The call handler said ‘tell me exactly what the problem is’ so I had to tell him.
I had to perch on one of the seats on the 45 minute journey to the hospital to make sure it wasn’t constantly going off.
At that point it was just more surreal than anything. I didn’t feel much pain at that point – I was in too much shock.
I had an x-ray at the hospital and the doctors realised it was stuck too far up for them to extract whilst I was awake. It would have been too painful.
I think at that point it started getting quite serious. The doctors were really good – they all moved quite quickly and were so reassuring telling me they saw it quite often which was quite a relief.
At first we were jokey about it but then realised it wasn’t much of a joke especially when there was talk of going through my stomach if they couldn’t get it. That could have meant six months with a colostomy bag.
I think before that I thought of it as just a little operation to get it out, I still wasn’t taking it that seriously.
When he said that – that only when I woke up would I know whether they would have to cut me open – it was really scary.
Fortunately the surgery was successful – it involved putting a camera down my throat and the surgeon pressing on my stomach to manually extract it. It only lasted for a minute and a half.
My daughter was staying with my mum and dad as I stayed at Lee’s the night before.
I wasn’t going to tell them but when I was going into surgery I knew we were going to have to say something so I told my mum the real reason.
I just took some painkillers and was told not to use stuff like that again until I was ready. I’ve learnt that I’ll need to be a bit more careful in the future.
Lee’s not been scarred by it – he just thinks it’s funny. I think he should have one up his bum and take one for the team.
We weren’t going to do anything about it because of the embarrassment – there’s a big taboo about it – but we knew we needed help.
I want to say a massive thank you to the ambulance crew and Wrexham Hospital staff who were really good, really reassuring and non-judgmental.
There is a big taboo about this, but it really isn’t a big deal.
You hear about people becoming really ill or even dying because they’re too embarrassed to get help – I would hate that to happen to someone.
Wow. So many great things about this story but I’ve narrowed it down two of my favourite parts. Firstly, the fact that all these photographs of her with a dildo clearly mean that she herself went to the press to tell them about it, and although she can dress it up by saying she wants to ‘raise awareness’, it’s clearly for the money. Pull the other one babe.
The second great thing about it is that they had to ring an ambulance at 7am because they had both been ‘drinking the night before’. Sure – I mean how obvious is it that they had both been up all night on a massive session on the blow, which probably explains why Lee was able to stick the vibrator so far up her ass in the first place. People do read between the lines you know.
Still, great story so thanks for sharing. To make her feel a bit better, here’s a list of everything that people got stuck up their asses in America last year. A vibrator isn’t actually that bad babe.