We’ve written far too much about Gangnam Style on Sick Chirpse and I apologise for that. There came a point a few weeks ago when I thought to myself, “Right, that’s it. Whatever Psy does from now on, whatever happens to Gangnam Style, fvck it – we’re not writing about it.” And then helpfully the death of Gangnam Style was marked by this horrendous video and we could all safely put the damn thing to bed.
Unfortunately, we also have a duty to keep you updated and informed on the second biggest event of 2012 – the apocalypse. And incredibly, the two are linked.
My debut post about 2 months ago was a really long-winded, over-analysed essay that basically explained that Gangnam Style was the key to saving the planet from destruction of an Asian variety and achieving world peace. And as it happens the UN Secretary General reads Sick Chirpse and totally agreed with me.
Well it turns out we were both wrong. Partly because North Korea has definitely just initiated the end of the world.
And partly because Gangnam Style is actually the creepily specific proof of one of Nostradamus’ apocalypse predictions.
I should make it clear that Nostradamus wasn’t really a gambler by nature and liked to hedge his bets quite a bit. He did predict that the world would have already ended by now, marking judgement day to actually be in July 1999. However, it could also be argued that he correctly predicted Napoleon, Hitler and 9/11. So, make your own mind up.
This is Nostradamus’ relevant prediction, from the 16th Century:
“From the calm morning, the end will come…When of the dancing horse the number of circles will be 9”
Now there are 4 points to consider here, and each one will have you more and more creeped out.
- “From the calm morning” – Psy is from Korea. North Korea is in Korea. Go and Wikipedia Korea. Scroll down to the ‘Etymology’ paragraph. The name ‘Korea’ loosely translates into English as ‘The Land of the Morning Calm.’ Ok, that’s really spooky. Erm, moving on…
- “the end will come” – This clause makes it completely clear that this is an apocalypse prophecy. No ambiguity – the end is nigh.
- “When of the dancing horse” – No explanation needed. You all know the dance. The dance that everyone in the world knows. It’s called the ‘giddy-up’ and it is clearly a horse-riding action. And Psy walks through some stables as he first does it in the video. This is not a tenuous, forced link to something that could be anything. This is a dance, revolving around a horse. And it is the symbol of the track. Chill out Nostradamus, you’re scaring me.
- “the number of circles will be 9″ – 940,457,329. That is the current view count of the official Gangnam Style video. 9 circles? Wanna know what 9 circles looks like?
So now that you’ve digested that, let me translate Nostradamus’ prophecy into a modern and specific sentence:
“The apocalypse will come from Korea, when Gangnam Style reaches 1 billion views.”
Did you just shit yourself? No, because you’re not mentally unstable and aren’t currently wearing an adult diaper (I hope).
But did you feel that shiver run down your spine? I got that when I first saw this almost identical article on the Huffington Post. Creepy, huh?
Is it gonna happen? I’m not as sure as I was 5 minutes ago. One week til we find out…
Update: As foretold, Gangnam Style reached 1 billion views on December 21st. However, the world did not end.