Footballers’ Part Time Jobs

Rooney banging grannies, martin keown selling tea bags and Bacary Sagna selling fake Gucci handbags…the part-time jobs of the full-time douche bags.

You might think that all footballers are stupidly rich, avant-garde playboys that are finished with their working day by the time most of us have our lunch break at our horrid 9-5.

I hate to burst your bubble but many Premiership players old and new have had part-time vocations to help them scrape together some extra pennies.

Sick Chirpse have been investigating the part-time jobs of the full-time douche bags in the Premiership and have compiled a list of some of the funnier truths hiding behind their millions…

Antonio Alcaraz – Wigan Defender & Llama Tamer

Alcaraz plies his trade at the strongest team in the Premier League, Wigan Athletic, termed the strongest team due to the fact that they hold the entire Premier League up on their pathetic shoulders.

The Paraguayan got a lot of stick from the press and football fans alike when he was caught spitting at Wolves defender Richard Stearman during a 3-1 defeat away at Molineux. However, much like the Tyson Vs. Holyfield ear-biting incident, Alcaraz was merely a victim of circumstance. Iron Mike Tyson took a chunk out of Evander’s ear because he was used to training his white Bengal tigers – the same way that Alcaraz was merely trying to train Stearman like he he did his llamas at his ranch just outside of Wigan.

Poor misunderstood genius.

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