Florida Man Tells His Neighbours He’s Going To Kill Them With Kindness – His Machete Is Named ‘Kindness’

Bryan Duane Stuart

Only in Florida.

It’s been a hot minute since anything completely stupid has happened in Florida, but it wasn’t going to be too long before something ridiculous was going down in the Sunshine State again.

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This time we’re in some place I’ve never heard of called Pace, Florida and we’re hearing the story of a 30 year old guy called Brian Duane Stuart. Last Friday, his neighbours heard a commotion from his house – which he shares with the mother of his child and said child – and went over to go and check on him and found Stuart threatening to kill them with kindness.

Normally that would probably only be a vaguely creepy/sinister thing to say to your neighbours but when you’re in the alternative dimension known as Florida, it means that Stuart is actually going to try and kill you with a machete that he’s written Kindness us on. That’s really a thing that happened.


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Fortunately the neighbours were able to run off and call the police, although one of them was cut slightly by the blade. They arrived and arrested Stuart – who they noted smelled strongly of alcohol – and he was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Sending himself to jail with kindness.

For more Florida, click here. So many great stories from that place.


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