Here is my list of the good, the bad and the truly awful. Hollywood remakes past, present and pending that make me sad inside.

Do you remember when you were younger, sitting watching a film and being completely enraptured with it. Even though the special effects were abysmal and a lot of the time the acting left a lot to be desired. No matter how terrible it was, it was so bad that it was awesome and you’ve loved it ever since. Or a film that was so amazing in its original, in your eyes it could never be topped and it’s blasphemous to even try.

Well, I have a list of films that have a special place in my heart and much to my horror in recent years Hollywood have decided that they need to be rebooted, re-franchised and recreated. Rewind! Please stop, as the majority of your remakes offend my eyes. So here is my list of the good, the bad and the truly awful. Hollywood film remakes past, present and pending that make me sad inside.

This first one cut me deeply. The Clash of the Titans. I remember the original 1981 film never being off the TV when I was growing up. No matter how many times it was on, I’d sit through the whole thing over and over again. The 2010 remake was poor on new levels. It was caught out on the usual remake curse of trying to one up the original in every way, shape and form and turning out to be piss poor terrible. For all those who have seen the remake I feel your pain, for those who are fortunate enough not to have it in their film library, keep it that way.

I know I can’t really bitch and whine about this next one yet (since it’s not been released) but I fail to see the need for a Hollywood blockbuster version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I can’t comprehend. The original was a fantastic piece of Swedish cinema, beautiful in every way. As a big fan of the books usually I hate when they get adapted for film because it’s nothing like I have in my head and it can never live up but The Girl with the Dragon tattoo (and the following films) blew me away. I understand that now the books are so popular the next logical step is to make a film for the masses but really the masses should just learn to appreciate an awesome film that’s already out there. No offence to Rooney Mara but Noomi Rapace will forever be Lisbeth Salander in my eyes.

One, two Freddy’s coming for you… like me I’m sure many of you were traumatised from a young age of the horrors of Freddy Krueger. Scared to go to sleep for fear that some sinister, burned up child murderer in a horrible jumper and hat would come and claw you to death in your dreams. A Nightmare on Elm Street was an 80’s horror classic, terrifying children that decided they were bold enough to watch it for decades. That is until they decided to remake it in 2010. I was more horrified about how lame the film was than all the gore going on in it. If anyone still suffers from original Freddy fears go see this reboot. It’ll cure what ails you. Not only is Freddy not scary, he’s not even interesting… Watch it if you dare.

In keeping with their decimation of 80s cinema, the Arnie classic Conan the Barbarian is being ripped to shreds given new life and hitting a screen near you in 2012. I don’t think anyone can say honestly that Conan the Barbarian is a well done film, it’s the epitome of 80s cheese. So bad that it’s incredibly awesome. It’s like a piece of film history that just should not be touched. I will still go see the remake just out of curiosity but Arnie will always be Conan, jump cuts and terrible effects included.


Last but not least in my list of cringeworthy remakes is the 2007 version of I Am Legend. This got my goat for many reasons, it seemed to rely on special effects way too much, it was set about 40 years in the future and it totally veered off the tracks of Richard Matheson’s novel I Am Legend which it was supposed to be. It wasn’t a bad film, definitely not one for purists and I still prefer The Omega Man (which is actually a reboot of the first I Am Legend film The Last Man on Earth, but there is always exceptions to the rule).

There are loads more films I’m sure you could come up with in a list of your own. With talks of remaking Dirty Dancing as well as The Karate Kid already having had a makeover, Hollywood are just a few films away from completely re-writing my childhood. The minute they announce re-doing The Mighty Ducks or Back to the Future my childhood will officially be gone.


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