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Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football Round Up Week 38/39

Utd win the league. Wigan finally go down. Man CIty screw up in the Final. Mancini is gone. Spurs’ asses drop out. Chelsea secure Champs League. Week 38/39 of the Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football.

SICK CHIRPSE

Week 38/39 in the Sick Chirpse Fantasy League seen a couple of teams go all out with their transfers in a bid to catch the Top Spot and the big prize money at the end of the Sick Chirpse rainbow. Week 38 was a hit for a couple of teams as Matthew Stewart’s FC Boosh, Alex Taylor’s Leave-My-Arse-A-Lona and Aaron Hicks’ Proud’s Prodders all clocked up a cheeky points. They must have very similar teams though as they also find themselves sat in 19, 20 and 21st in the Fantasy League as they make a charge for some kind of pride by trying to get in the Top 20 end of season figures. Things in the Top 5 haven’t really changed though as Dirty Buffallo still doing their best to improve their season’s best spot of 5th by overtaking Apocolypse Dudes 4th place haul. The Top Three remains unchanged as Trems Trash still leads the charge over second placed Joner and third placed Dunblane Massacres. The crown will go to either Trems Trash or Joner and if you’re a betting man it has to be said that the top boys haven’t been moved for 2 months and it’s gonna stay that way.

Here’s how the games panned out over the last few weeks that seen some big news from the retirement of Sir Alex to the end of Wigan’s love affair with April/May as they are finally and deservedly relegated.

Sat 4 May 2013 – Premier League

  • QPR 0 -1 Arsenal
  • Fulham 2-4 Reading
  • Norwich 1-2 Villa
  • Swansea 0-0 Man City
  • Spurs 1-0 Southampton
  • Baggies 2-3 Wigan
  • Hammers 0-0 Toon

Sun 5 May 2013 – Premier League

  • Man Utd 0 – 1 Chelsea
  • Liverpool 0-0 Everton

Tue 7 May 2013 – Premier League

Wed 8 May 2013 – Premier League

Sat 11 May 2013 – Premier League

Sun 12 May 2013 – Premier League

Tue 14 May 2013 – Premier League

 

BIG HITTERS

sick chirpse big hitter

We could’ve easily gone with the whole Aston Villa team who in the last few weeks have sured their Premiership survival for another year after Sick Chirpse spent most of the season ripping the piss out of them. We could’ve gone with Chelsea who booked their place in the Champions League at the expense of the Yid Army. We could’ve gone with Sir Alex bowing out of the game after 50 million years at the top. Or Frank Lampard doing his best to eclipse Bobby Tambling’s record and become top Chelsea goal scorer. Even Paulo Di Canio for doing his best impression Mussolini as he guided the worst half of the North-East to another torrid year in the top flight. But, in the end, it shouldn’t come down to what the teams are doing but the points that people are scoring cos that’s all the Sick Chirpse Fantasy League is really about.

The first mention is that horrid little troll Maloney who took some time out from being that fat bloke who follows Danny Dyer around on Football Factory to guide Wigan to FA Cup Glory at the expense of their Premiership survival. He’s second in the form table over the last six weeks with 46 points so anyone who popped him into their up front for a cheeky 4.5 million has surely been laughing. No goals but a boat load of assists in the last few weeks has seen him show off his talents to potential suitors that must include all the promoted teams and other shit teams who somehow managed to stay up this season. Second mention goes to the man filling Luis Suarez’s boots after his recent nashing fiasco, Studge. Daniel Sturridge has looked a changed man over the last few weeks being third in the form table on 45 points across the last 6 weeks to take him to 101 for the year. Including 14 points in Liverpool’s thrashing of Newcastle and his first ever competitive hat-trick against a lowly Fulham totalling 17 points for that one game. Finally, as Arsenal do their very best to book their fourth place and possibly even third place play-off versus Chelsea, Santi Carzola decided to notch up 4 assists in the week for all 4 goals that the Gooners bagged. I appreciate Andrei Arse-Shaving once scored 4 in a much bigger game – but let’s be honest he’s only actually good on FIFA so he can snuff it.

BIG SHITTER

11111

A lot of easy shouts for the big shitter over the past few weeks…we could’ve gone with Wayne Rooney who has pretty much booked a trip out of Manchester after sitting on the bench moaning for the last few weeks, we could’ve gone with JT just for getting into the full-kit-wanker daze again the other night, but in reality all of this pails into insignificance when you look at how Roberto Mancini’s season has ended.

On the anniversary of arguably Manchester City’s biggest victory ever just a year before, Mancini was given his marching orders by the Man City big dogs. The man who guided them to their first trophies in a very long while was given his marching orders despite securing second place when his Manchester City team were beaten 1-0 at Wembley by a team who will struggle to get back out of the quadmire of the Championship next season. According to every shitty paper around England the Manchester City players even celebrated their FA Cup loss as they knew it would mean the tenure of the Italian being up pretty soon and that just sums up how that club are currently operating. Mancini was so incensed after his teams poor performance that he stopped taking his meds at the end of the first half and was seen to be warming up in a full Leicester kit just after Zabaleta was given his marching orders. So, when you add mental illness to the list of poor old Roberto’s qualities then I’m wondering whether he will be able to get a job now…poor bloke.

This is what you can look forward to in the final week of the Premiership Season:

If you really wanna try and catch the Top 5 in the Sick Chirpse then your best hope will probably be that the results go this way and that you’ve got a load of Arsenal/Chelsea players as you might get an extra game out of it:

  • Chelsea draw 0-0; Arsenal win 2-1
  • Chelsea draw 1-1; Arsenal win 3-2
  • Chelsea draw 2-2; Arsenal win 4-3
  • Chelsea draw 3-3; Arsenal win 5-4

However, back in the real world, David Moyes and Rafael Benitez’s final games in charge of their respective club ends in a Chelsea win to secure third place. Liverpool beat an all ready relegated QPR team as ‘arry begins to plot his way back up next year at debt-ridden Rangers. Man City beat Norwich despite not having a manager. Arsenal sneak a 2-1 win away at Newcastle in the dying minutes to secure Champions League football at the expense of their North London rivals, Spurs, who managed to convincingly see of Paulo Di Canio’s Sunderland. Southampton and Stoke play out a horrible game that Ricky Lambert settles with a penalty to stop the horrible Stoke breaking into the Top Ten with their anti-football bullshit. Michu caps a wonderful season with the help of England hopeful Wayne Routeledge assisting to help Swansea see off Fulham. Fergie caps off his career with a 3-1 away win the sees Man Utd come back from being 1-0 down to a Lukaku goal. The Hammers and Reading face off with a draw but both teams play like it still means something which is quite refreshing on the final day. Wigan and Villa battle it out to see who can be the worst team to watch in the Premiership, Wigan win, and the game. Well done – you’re all ready down.

Here’s how the Sick Chirpse Fantasy League looks going into the final day of the season. Good luck fuckers:

Super League Table

Sick Chirpse

League PIN: 8009937

Return to league page

POS Manager Team name Total points Week pts Starting
XI pts
Starting
XI pos
Goals Goal Pos Overall Position
1 Shane Tremlin Trems Trash 1768 27 1342 69575 96 90908 9208
2 Peter Jones Joner 1742 31 1334 74168 102 59586 14579
3 AlexanderMark Jones Dunblane Massacres 1731 32 1251 124451 114 14251 17408
4 Tom Shipley Apocalypse Dudes 1709 21 1439 26637 121 3811 24346
5 Ryan Williams Dirty Buffalo 1707 39 1323 80521 100 69748 25077
6 Tom Sands Prison Break FC 1703 16 1256 121464 110 25610 26524
7 Huw E Dynamo Kebab 1688 20 1229 137827 103 54741 32585
8 Nicky Greenhow Boomerwanger 1637 16 1110 196035 94 101295 57992
9 Emma Craig The Only Way Is Emma 1608 37 1211 148360 94 101295 74733
10 David Williams Muffin stuffers 1606 7 1452 22656 102 59586 75968
11 Gavin Rapaport Poo 1604 0 1292 99146 107 36927 77198
11 Johnny Callow Room 362 1604 23 1351 64634 98 80306 77198
13 Billy Mclean Barcemoaner 1579 14 1291 99762 100 69748 92256
14 Robbie Atkinson diables Rouges 1572 7 1097 200447 93 106510 96557
15 Huw Barker HavantGotAClueVille 1565 21 1494 12721 96 90908 100617
16 Lee Walsh KeansaKunt 1560 5 1193 158518 92 111579 103513
17 Bobby Peliza bObbyDazzlers 1556 22 1272 111456 88 131286 105786
18 Drew Walsh Real SocieLAD 1552 20 1399 41624 89 126391 108088
19 Alex Taylor leave-my-arse-a-lona 1550 34 1068 209017 97 85589 109201
20 Aaron Hicks Proud’s Prodders 1544 45 1185 162810 93 106510 112586
21 Matthew Stewart FC Boosh 1542 8 1239 131743 97 85589 113738
22 Jeff Ingle Jeffentus 1533 0 971 226247 98 80306 118796
23 Terry Buckingham Real Madras 1525 8 1286 102840 95 96199 123200
24 Max Sheppard Fred West Ham 1508 21 1123 191282 89 126391 132069
25 Dave Ward Pimp My Side 1504 7 1295 97295 85 145406 134080
25 Alex Prince Prince Boatengs 1504 0 1332 75331 95 96199 134080
27 Dan Filer ClubTropicanaDrinkFC 1485 14 1392 44630 90 121487 143301
28 Anthony Ford 4 Dimensions 1482 20 1104 198181 79 170581 144668
28 Ross Stearny stearnpots barmyarmy 1482 7 1307 90080 84 149907 144668
30 Ryan Addams Fish fillet 1478 0 968 226565 86 140791 146495
31 Tim Williams TIMW_BRAP KILLAS 1464 2 1189 160690 95 96199 152741
32 Jon McLeish Bayern Bru 1462 28 1362 58950 85 145406 153646
33 Shaun Williams The Galacticos 1460 26 1418 34049 75 185343 154456
34 Michael Magee Mickey T FC 1458 9 1519 8679 85 145406 155314
35 Neil Williams Lumpers and Kickers 1455 14 1216 145500 88 131286 156513
36 Luke Wyborn The Wombles 1451 6 1026 218469 87 136153 158136
37 James Martin Tourist Attraction 1437 6 1437 27316 88 131286 163657
38 Thomas Foley Unbelievable Crisps 1435 24 1156 177157 78 174414 164467
39 Trevor Brenson RJBs XI 1434 12 1434 28344 78 174414 164853
40 Blake Walton Walton Wonders 1431 16 1245 128119 84 149907 166001
41 Redwan Elharrak Real Talk 1409 41 1409 37446 71 198590 174058
41 David Hewitt football 1409 8 1246 127501 81 162590 174058
43 Luke Skidmore bunchofslugs 1405 11 1325 79340 87 136153 175423
44 Ben Rowland Atheist FC 1404 0 1159 175728 82 158413 175761
45 Piers Dixon Dixon Balls FC 1402 18 1287 102202 73 192104 176451
46 Nikul Patani Brown Bear United 1400 21 1400 41233 95 96199 177150
47 Ross Williams Tepee Town FC 1398 19 1309 88842 77 178181 177825
48 Ashley Townsend 1 MANNING 1 CUP 1388 16 882 232527 70 201661 181115
49 Ben Lawson spunkin FC 1384 23 1306 90691 75 185343 182401
50 Sam Lister inter thevan 1383 3 1237 132973 81 162590 182742
51 Martyn Aeissame Gratuitous FC 1380 8 1133 187222 74 188754 183676
51 Mark Endicott Real Madreadfull 1380 4 951 228186 83 154212 183676
51 smart les lemon peng-win 1380 15 1380 50054 74 188754 183676
54 Sam MartinRoss Martin-Boss 1372 20 896 231881 80 166658 186136
55 Luke Henderson Luke Ronald FC 1364 2 1181 164848 78 174414 188653
56 Elliott Henderson Barsenal 1351 27 1214 146629 69 204631 192510
57 Richard Dulieu Dyslexic CF 1341 20 1341 70130 69 204631 195300
58 John Twinn Pav FC 1339 7 1119 192741 83 154212 195911
59 Toby Dennett Dennethinaikos 1331 6 1302 93029 63 220578 198137
60 Dean Webster Blues 1328 8 1180 165342 62 222993 198918
61 Jack Hopwood FC Kaiser 1320 4 1148 180758 56 235243 201066
62 Louis Day Spews Stars 1315 22 1315 85258 67 210185 202413
63 William Rowe Keefy’s Krunchers 1308 4 1193 158518 89 126391 204240
64 John Ryan Obi – 1 Kanobi – 0 1301 13 1301 93665 81 162590 206102
65 Daniel Ostridge Ajax Treesdown 1294 31 1303 92408 65 215514 207918
66 James Blundell Blundells boys 1282 4 1047 214215 79 170581 210777
67 Danny Sharpe Team Sharpey 1279 7 1279 107034 75 185343 211458
68 Anthony Ward Park Ji Wonders 1277 5 1129 188839 71 198590 211941
69 Christopher Davies T Dogg’s Ball Hoggs 1276 10 1023 219006 55 237048 212189
70 John Hawkins Mmmmcustard 1274 0 1016 220187 65 215514 212680
71 Mohamed Hussein Why Always Me FC 1268 27 1142 183394 67 210185 214083
71 James Roberts WOOPWOOP United 1268 32 1142 183394 45 249925 214083
73 Matt Morris Morris FC 1259 19 1259 119588 80 166658 216138
74 Charlie Hey tiki taka jazz cats 1242 9 1242 129908 75 185343 219808
75 Jamie Sadur Skid Mark 1240 10 1293 98549 63 220578 220251
76 Daniel Haviland Warriors 1236 28 1236 133568 50 244467 221053
77 Patrick Grayson real aycliffe 1234 0 1234 134784 72 195397 221465
78 Daniel Watson SirBobWouldBeProud 1221 4 1121 192023 58 231508 224177
79 Maxwell Hughes maxibon united 1218 6 1170 170439 65 215514 224721
80 Steve French French FC 1200 26 1200 154649 54 238709 228032
81 Daniel Guy Dans witwickys 1193 11 1193 158518 54 238709 229252
82 Michael Sinfield FC Scorgasm 1189 16 1189 160690 70 201661 229966
83 Christian Adofo The Mandem 1186 25 1186 162322 75 185343 230487
84 Josh Watkins bluesbrother 1168 10 1168 171451 46 248963 233335
85 Alex Crawshaw Crawshaw’s Commies 1155 2 1149 180314 67 210185 235231
86 Richard Gilbert Queefstars 1151 15 1151 179410 55 237048 235768
87 Dave Bunker Team Bunker 1144 8 952 228098 65 215514 236769
88 James Tootill BigDonFC 1133 18 1157 176698 40 253670 238172
89 Mark Guy butchys tanks 1132 7 1056 212085 64 218078 238303
89 Nick Randles Quallo 1132 14 1132 187628 55 237048 238303
91 Nick Reid OnOne United 1071 6 1071 208262 42 252375 244939
92 Theodore Morgan DangALangTime 1066 19 1066 209534 64 218078 245394
93 Nestor Schischka The Winning One 1048 4 952 228098 39 254261 246877
94 Nick Bourne Greenham Royals 1025 10 1025 218649 52 241795 248481
95 Tomn Pitts Gareth Keenan Troops 991 4 991 223872 42 252375 250436
96 Wes Holden Green FC 986 23 986 224493 40 253670 250666
97 David Armitage Real Betties 963 9 963 227090 56 235243 251780
98 Craig Abbs Team abber 908 12 908 231236 35 256198 253922
99 Tyler Casey 50 Shades Of Goals 884 6 889 232207 25 259303 254622
100 Matthew Hurley 12fort 857 20 857 233505 52 241795 255347

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