Fugitive, Mexican drug lord, criminal mastermind and all round nice guy El Chapo has once again evaded capture by authorities in perhaps the least gangster way imaginable, it has emerged.
After Mexican marines and other special force operatives spotted him with a young girl in the mountains of a Mexican state they were reluctant to intervene. However, fortunately they later spotted him again without the child and gave chase.
Now, never one for a low-key getaway, the cartel chief rose to the challenge these pesky forces presented. Or rather, he fell. Straight off a cliff. A Mexican official with inside knowledge of the investigation claims that as the forces closed in, El Chapo, real name Guzman (he so should have made his cartel name Uzi-man) plunged off the rock face by mistake before they could get close enough to apprehend him.
Was this the end of the road for Big Uzi? You can bet he had other ideas. The Mexican official alleged that a swarm of bodyguards emerged from the bracken at the bottom of the cliff (you couldn’t make this stuff up) and collected the injured Drug Baron, carrying him to safety under the cover of a forest.
Although, you can’t fall from a cliff and expect not to fuck some shit up and it is said that he sustained a broken leg and injuries to his face. The forces are now optimistic that the crippled fugitive will be easier to catch as he is now likely to be isolated.
It puts him in one particular spot that he wasn’t planning on being in before.
On the other hand, if his son’s Instagram is anything to go by, for this family being isolated involves mountains of blow and a lot of supercars. I doubt he’s too fussed.
