Del Piero

Alessandro Del Piero isn’t just a tekkers footballer, he can bring people out of comas. That’s his career after football sorted.

Del Piero

We’ve all heard of/watched/actually done The Hand Of God, right? It’s okay if you haven’t though, it’s a fairly tekkers move that the great Maradona first brought into the game and only the most skilful players can do it.

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Messi is a pretty decent footballer – he’s no Wes Brown, though – but he’s pretty skilful and he got his technique just right when he scored with his copycat Hand Of God.

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When I used to play football, I tried my own Hand Of God a few times but every time I did it the ref would send me off. I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it now. Do you reckon it was because refs get jealous whenever clumsy defenders manage to score? Or did my pure skill temporarily jar his brain and he couldn’t think what else to do apart from flash me the red? Messi or Maradona didn’t get sent off and it just goes to show I’m right when I said refs get jealous about defenders because the two M’s were and are out-and-out attacking players. I’m not angry about the injustice I suffered at all, because simply, mine was so much better than theirs. I literally punched the ball in every time, took me ages to get the technique just right. Sometimes people just can’t see past their own inadequacies. Fvcking refs.

Anyway, it’s evident that footballers have got Hands Of Gods, but now they’ve even managed to develop Voices Of Gods, too. The first footballer to show such promise is none other than the legendary Alessandro Del Piero, of Juventus and Italy fame. Can you believe he’s 37 now (!), it doesn’t seem that long ago he played a massive part in Italy winning the 2006 World Cup. He’s still turning out for Juve, and is still scoring goals, age obviously hasn’t hindered his class. It would have been great to have seen him in the Prem, wouldn’t it? There’s still time though. Chelsea need a good striker.

Del Piero decided to show he’s not just a good footballer when he apparently brought a 12 year old girl out of a coma just by speaking to her. The Italian schoolgirl, Giada Scalise, suffered a brain haemorrhage while watching her favourite team, Juve, on TV. After several weeks there was still no sign of her pulling out of the coma so her parents decided to have a go at anything that might bring her out of it. One of these ideas was to ask Del Piero for help. He obliged, and sent a recorded message which was played repeatedly at the girl’s side. Within days of the message playing, Giada began to stir and awoke and even asked for ice-cream to help her get better. The girl’s father is adamant that if it wasn’t for Del Piero’s voice, his daughter would still be in the coma. So there you have it, Del Piero has a career after football. Bringing people out of comas. The Voice Of God.

Talking about comas, I dunno how many of you are fans of Deftones, but I definitely am so I’m gonna talk about it. Since 2008, bassist Chi Cheng has been in a coma after being in a car crash, something that saddened loads of fans. However, earlier this month, after a few long years he’s finally awoken and is even moving his legs:

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Kind of makes you think life isn’t so bad after all, doesn’t it?


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