Anyone who plays Fantasy Football or even has a vague dalliance with the game probably knows that it isn’t a good idea to captain a player who barely starts, but one Norwegian fan is keeping faith with his hero Alexander Sørloth even though he’s only played 173 minutes of football this season.
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You might not have heard of Sørloth – I haven’t – but it turns out that Crystal Palace bought him in January for £9 million and he’s scored 1 goal in the league cup since then in 19 appearances. In fairness, most of these appearances have come from the bench but even so that’s not a great record and you would be literally mad to have him starting in your Fantasy Football team, let alone captaining it.
Nevertheless, this Sørloth fan has been doing that with him every week of this Fantasy Football season so far and when Sørloth himself heard of it he apparently decided to send him a letter, which reads as follows:
— Daniel Vassbund (@Smoothedan) December 17, 2018
It is with great pride and joy I am writing you this letter today. I have been informed by reliable sources that I am the captain, and first choice striker on your fantasy-team.
I know I don’t score goals, or produce many assists or get to come on much at all. Therefore it is with great pleasure I register that people still believe in me those 15 times I have been on the pitch this year.
You and all my biggest fans, mom and dad, are my inspiration in continuing my performances for Crystal Palace and the Norwegian national team. You are the ones I think of when I’m on the pitch for five minutes in every other match. I don’t think too much about my playing time. And since I don’t get too much time on the ball I don’t need to think about it either. Therefore I can just wander around on the pitch, look up to the stands, and wonder if you’re in the stands cheering me on.
Jonas. I hope you will come and see me warm up sometime during the season. I’ll talk to Hodgson and see to that I’ll be running up and down the sideline for a long time so that you can see me in action when you come to London.
I can’t get you free tickets. Only the best lads get. But I’ve talked to Edna at the Popcorn-corner, and she’ll give you a 15 % discount on a bucket of popcorn.
Send me a message on Facebook if you’re travelling to England.
Your friend, captain, and striker.
I mean that’s really really great if it is true but it sounds a bit like it’s a pisstake towards the end when he talks about making sure that Hodgson will have him warming up all game and that he can get a 15% discount on popcorn. I know he’s not in the team right now but surely he must earn enough money to maybe even buy this guy a ticket to the match for his unwavering support or at least be able to throw him a free bucket of popcorn?
That part just seems a bit like a bridge too far for me, but either way it’s still a nice idea that Sørloth wrote to this Jonas guy at all. Just hope that it’s actually true because I’m a bit sceptical right now.
For more of the same, check out one of the most brutal slide tackles we’ve ever seen. Yeowch.