Any great aquatic expedition takes some balls. It’s a scary and unknown world out there in the deep blue sea – quite literally a sink or swim environment. But Reza Baluchi’s escapades took bigger balls than most.
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The 44-year-old Iranian national was picked up by the US Coast Guard just seven miles off the coast of Florida after attempting to run across the ocean to Bermuda, all while inside of a giant inflatable hamster ball. He explained that his mission was to raise money for a children’s charity by spending five months at sea surviving on fish that he would catch and sleeping in a hammock inside of his ball. How he intended to cook his fish he didn’t say – perhaps he was thinking of some sushi based dishes.
However, Baluchi ended his trip prematurely, surrendering to the Coast Guard who had sought to stop him after he ignored their instructions not to set out on his adventure without a support boat tailing him. They hilariously towed him back to shore still inside of his hydro-pod after he had voluntarily resigned from his attempt.
The Coast Guard had reservations about Baluchi’s capabilities for good reason though, as this is now the second failed attempt by the man to cross the ocean to Bermuda in his orb. Despite being a monumental marathon runner and having crossed America twice, the water is clearly not his forte. His first attempt was back in 2014, and his rescue resulted in a $144,000 bill for the tax payer. Rear Admiral Scott Buschman wrote the Jesus-wannabe a letter deriding his attempt. In the letter he said that Reza had:
…placed Coast Guard personnel at risk when they flew 70 miles offshore in the middle of the night to hoist you from the ocean.
What a bell-end. I suppose his heart was in the right place and he had good intentions but still, he really ought to stop trying to run across oceans now. Plus he’s never going to be the coolest guy to do something in the ocean – this Aussie took that title when he had a beer with his pet snake in the middle of it.