CHIRPSES

Christian Euphemisms For Vagina

Christian Euphenisms For Vagina

Christianity teaches you how to speak more politiely…about vaginas. Who says religion is obsolete?

In a world where religion divides opinion and often leads people blinded by faith, it might be difficult to see the benefits of age-old traditions. You’ve got to have sympathy for Darwin – all that hard work yet some still slate him as a kind of anti-Christ. But there’s no doubt that there is a sense of comfort and security in believing a higher entity is overlooking us. However, the omniscient gods bestowed on us a more practical benefit; the freedom of language, and the Christians got very creative with this.

Here’s a scenario: you’ve just been on a third date with your new girlfriend and you figured it’s about time to make a move. She’s Christian, but not a particularly strict one, so you figure that’s cool. You take her up to your room and whisper some words into her ear. Unfortunately, your choice of language was too vulgar for her sacred sound box; she leaves. In hindsight, you should have referred to the Christian guide to acceptable vaginal euphemisms. Then you would have been able to appreciate her holy flap dragon, divine wizard sleeve or blessed magic crepe.

Of course, these imaginative descriptions have a wide range of uses when your usually filthy mouth needs to be curbed — an R-rated joke could easily be transformed into a PG. So next time you denounce religion as an obsolete practice that causes more problems than it solves; think again. It might just save your day or at worst, humour you. You have to wonder though, what synonyms do they have for cock?!

  1. Puff Pillow
  2. Fish Cave
  3. Baby Door
  4. Eve’s Tunnel
  5. Satan’s Doorbell (Clitoral muscle)
  6. Reverse Blowhole
  7. Skin Wand Scarf
  8. Egg Crate
  9. Bullet Wound
  10. Sin Flower
  11. Moist Camel Hump
  12. Harpy Nest
  13. Canker Blossom
  14. Silk Barnacle
  15. Flap Dragon
  16. Clapper Claw
  17. Birth Cavern
  18. Flesh Wrap
  19. DNA Catcher
  20. Frothy Creek
  21. Satan’s Trap
  22. Sin Muscle
  23. Folded Flesh Leaf
  24. Harpoon Target
  25. Slurpin’ Salmon
  26. Devil’s Fun Slide
  27. Ovary Hallway
  28. Whispering Eye
  29. Secret Fish Forest
  30. Cat in The Hat
  31. Sin Sliver
  32. Devil Sponge
  33. Baby Portal
  34. Warm Potato
  35. Snake Trap
  36. Blood Sewer
  37. Twaddle Dandy
  38. Magic Crepe
  39. Satan’s Rose Bud
  40. Clack-dish
  41. Neighbour of Anus
  42. Pink Jello Box
  43. Rank Weasel
  44. Stripped Monkey
  45. Front Business
  46. Man’s Gift
  47. Wizard Sleeve
  48. The Liquid Slip
  49. Fleshy Fault Line
  50. Pink Velveeta Shell
  51. The Pubic Pub

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