In a world where religion divides opinion and often leads people blinded by faith, it might be difficult to see the benefits of age-old traditions. You’ve got to have sympathy for Darwin – all that hard work yet some still slate him as a kind of anti-Christ. But there’s no doubt that there is a sense of comfort and security in believing a higher entity is overlooking us. However, the omniscient gods bestowed on us a more practical benefit; the freedom of language, and the Christians got very creative with this.

Here’s a scenario: you’ve just been on a third date with your new girlfriend and you figured it’s about time to make a move. She’s Christian, but not a particularly strict one, so you figure that’s cool. You take her up to your room and whisper some words into her ear. Unfortunately, your choice of language was too vulgar for her sacred sound box; she leaves. In hindsight, you should have referred to the Christian guide to acceptable vaginal euphemisms. Then you would have been able to appreciate her holy flap dragon, divine wizard sleeve or blessed magic crepe.

Of course, these imaginative descriptions have a wide range of uses when your usually filthy mouth needs to be curbed — an R-rated joke could easily be transformed into a PG. So next time you denounce religion as an obsolete practice that causes more problems than it solves; think again. It might just save your day or at worst, humour you. You have to wonder though, what synonyms do they have for cock?!

1. Puff Pillow
2. Fish Cave
3. Baby Door
4. Eve’s Tunnel
5. Satan’s Doorbell (Clitoral muscle)
6. Reverse Blowhole
7. Skin Wand Scarf
8. Egg Crate
9. Bullet Wound
10. Sin Flower
11. Moist Camel Hump
12. Harpy Nest
13. Canker Blossom
14. Silk Barnacle
15. Flap Dragon
16. Clapper Claw
17. Birth Cavern
18. Flesh Wrap
19. DNA Catcher
20. Frothy Creek
21. Satan’s Trap
22. Sin Muscle
23. Folded Flesh Leaf
24. Harpoon Target
25. Slurpin’ Salmon
26. Devil’s Fun Slide
27. Ovary Hallway
28. Whispering Eye
29. Secret Fish Forest
30. Cat in The Hat
31. Sin Sliver
32. Devil Sponge
33. Baby Portal
34. Warm Potato
35. Snake Trap
36. Blood Sewer
37. Twaddle Dandy
38. Magic Crepe
39. Satan’s Rose Bud
40. Clack-dish
41. Neighbour of Anus
42. Pink Jello Box
43. Rank Weasel
44. Stripped Monkey
45. Front Business
46. Man’s Gift
47. Wizard Sleeve
48. The Liquid Slip
49. Fleshy Fault Line
50. Pink Velveeta Shell
51. The Pubic Pub