Man, I hate that prick Chris Brown so much. It just seems like everything he does is designed to make you think that he’s a complete prick and yet he’s still a millionaire who gets to smoke doobs while Rihanna goes down on him. What is his problem? Granted I guess Sick Chirpse and myself in particualr are pretty much pricks about everything, but I ain’t a millionaire yet and the girls I hook up with tend to look like Betty Draper rather than Rihanna. BTW that’s a direct reference to this girl from Saturday night who’s name I already forgot who is probably reading this right now , because she asked me to write something about her. Heya! And yeah Betty Draper is hot but she isn’t exactly Rihanna is she and I read recently that her hair is falling out. That’s not so good Al.
Those last couple of sentences were pretty much the definition of being an asshole in the written form, but man I ain’t got nothing on Chris Brown, let’s be serious. And now that he beat up Frank Ocean – who is pretty much everyone’s favourite dude ever now that everyone has forgotten that he was ever in Odd Future – I doubt his stock is going to get any higher anytime soon. I first heard about this altercation this morning when I noticed that Frank Ocean had posted these two tweets pretty early on this morning/late last night LA time.
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In case anyone was wondering, Everest is Frank Ocean’s dog, not his bodyguard or anything. But yeah that doesn’t really tell us what happened other than that something did happen between them. Or maybe just something between Frank Ocean and a dude called Chris. But yeah, TMZ were obviously onto it in a flash and got the story right there, although they only bothered getting Chris Brown’s version of events which is OBVIOUSLY not accurate unless you’re a member of #teambreezy.
It turns out the argument was over a parking space at some cool studio in downtown LA called Westlake Studio. Go figure. Celebrities fight about the dumbest things right, it almost reads like an episode from one of the last seasons of Entourage when it had got real crap. Here’s the full statement from TMZ:
‘As Chris went to leave [the studio], Frank Ocean and his crew blocked Chris from leaving. The sources say Frank said, ‘This is my studio, this is my parking spot.’ We’re told Chris went to shake Frank’s hand … and that’s when one of Frank’s people attacked Chris … one of Chris’ friends jumped in front and hit Frank’s friend … Frank then came at Chris … Chris pushed him away and they started brawling.’
Wow. That sounds stupid and almost exactly like when Eric and Seth Green used to have those dumb fights in Entourage, except that Eric was a pintsized dipshit and not one of the world’s most famous R & B superstars. Granted, Seth Green isn’t exactly that famous either or a world famous R & B superstar but people would still know who he was but nobody ever knew who Eric was. more people knew who Johnny Drama was FFS. But yeah, back to Chris Brown and Frank Ocean, the fight was over a parking space and it basically sounds really stupid.
There are a couple of other news reports which have fingered Chris Brown as throwing the first punch, which sounds completely believable given his past track record and the fact that the original TMZ statement came from Chris Brown and his people and so isn’t going to make Chris Brown the bad guy.This opinion is also reinforced by the fact that Frank Ocean stuck around to see the police who showed up whereas Chris Brown took off. I don’t really blame him though, nobody really wants to stick around to hang out with the police, especially over in LA where the cops are even bigger assholes than they are over here.
Still, it seems more likely that Chris Brown would have been more of an asshole than Frank Ocean about all this just because he’s generally a prick 24/7 whereas Frank Ocean seems like a chiller 24/7. It seems unlikely we’ll ever know the true details about it though – or even really remember about it in a couple of days because it’s such a non event – as neither one of them is thought to be pressing charges, although police are looking to talk to Brown about it. Pretty much all we’ll ever know is the headline – Chris Brown and Frank Ocean had a fight over a parking space, which is about as interesting as it sounds.
I guess Frank Ocean might be injured which might affect his performance at the Grammys, but that seems unlikely and he probably just tweeted that to make the whole thing slightly more dramatic. I bet there wasn’t even a real fight and someone just pushed someone else and then it got broken up. That’s what normally happens with these lame celebrity altercations. Have a real fight or keep it off twitter huh lads? Safe.
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