China Warns North Korea To Stop Dicking About With Nuclear Weapons

North Korea only has one friend left, and even they’re getting really sick of Kim Jong Un’s shit…

Known internationally as the manic dictator with the shit hair, Kim Jong Un’s recent nuclear tests have worried everyone, even China, their only real remaining ally.

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Spokeswoman of the foreign ministry, Hua Chunying, stated that Chinese government had issued a statement to the Democratic Republic of Korea, and reiterated their ‘firm opposition’ to the fifth  nuclear test.


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In short, the mad dog on the end of China’s leash just took a massive shit on the rug, and they’re starting to wonder if they can even find a big enough stick to hit it with.

They’re now backpedaling like mad on their past decisions to cooperate with North Korea:

We strongly urge the DPRK side to halt any move that could aggravate the situation, and complicate the issue. China will continue to remain committed to solving the relevant issues of the Korean Peninsula through dialog and consultation”

The fact that China is losing its grip on the DPRK is a big fucking worry for the rest of the world. If I was South Korea, I’d be shitting bricks right now. The UK’s international spokesperson , Boris sodding Johnson agrees, commenting that this is a ‘threat to regional peace and stability’. Spot on Boris.

But why is North Korea so hell bent on testing nuclear weaponry? Apparently it needs a ‘nuclear deterrent’ against the US and its leading command in South Korea, and is willing, by ‘any means necessary’ to protect itself.


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Ever the unpopular fat kid in the playground,  you’ve got to start questioning why so many other countries are out to get the U.S.  China needs to buck up their ideas pronto too. The amount of aid they provide to North Korea makes up for almost half of all their foreign aid.  That’s a staggering amount, considering China is one of, if not the biggest international economic powerhouse, with a population of 1.3 billion people. Maybe if the two most powerful countries on earth get their priorities straight, then we can all stop ducking for cover every time a car back fires, or your nan drops the toilet seat up stairs.

One thing’s for sure, Kim Jong Un better keep his trigger happy palms off of that big red button before we get to find out how Game of Thrones ends. To get you in the mood, take a look at this busker who absolutely nails the Game of Thrones theme song.


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