I’ve always been shit at Call of Duty. I end up bottom of the team with like 2 kills and 800 deaths and then people message me things like NOOB and FUCKING CAMPER and things like that. I’m guessing they’ve got really bad eyes because they always message me in capitals. The small letters must be hard for them to see.
It’s a bit disheartening, you know. All those wasted hours for nothing. My hopes and dreams of being famous for being ‘The Number One on Call of Duty’ are completely shattered. It’s OK, though, because I haven’t really got the patience to sit down and watch myself die time and time again anymore. I just can’t be arsed. So, instead of trying to play the game I find it more beneficial to wind people up instead now. That’s what the headsets were made for, right? It’s hilarious how some people get so annoyed on there — I’m sure they think it’s real-life — especially when they scream in pain as if the bullets have actually come through their TV screen and hit them. The best is when you kill one of your team-mates and they go fvcking mental. Really violent some people go. It’s mostly spoiled kids and pretentious gaming nerds but it’s still funny as fvck. Most of them have a really bad case of a warped sense of self because they threaten to kill you and shag your mother and generally ruin your life, whereas if they were to shag your mother it would be embarrassing because they’d put it in her arse first. Thinking it was her vag. Mind you, we’ve all been there…(not with our mothers, though, hopefully.)
One I’ve found to work really well is: ‘Mate, you never leave your house. Shut up.’ They get really annoyed at it for some reason. It’s not even a harsh thing to say because it’s true. I’m guessing it ruins their sense of coolness they’ve collected in the game. Try it if you fancy a laugh.
I was looking for some new material to wind people up with and I ended up on YouTube. I dunno if I’m late with this guy but his videos are great and he really defines the art of winding people up on there. Here’s an example:
The part especially where the kid’s on about fvcking the wind-up merchant’s mother is priceless, and where he mentions some guy’s gran having blue waffle. Class. It’s even better when players on the kid’s own team kill him and he gets even more annoyed. The kid even reckons he can see KingofCodFTW (General Minus — the wind-up merchant) through the screen and calls him fat. He’s probably convinced himself he’s developed a special power to do this during all the time he spends on Call of Duty, because he does sounds like a kid who takes his gaming VERY SERIOUSLY and wears t-shirts with GAMING FO LYF, YO, printed on them.
General Minus’ YouTube channel is comedy gold. Grab a beer and watch the videos.
One more time: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!