Clyde The Thistle And Other Slightly Shittter Mascots


The Glasgow 2014 mascot is shit but is it as shit as the rest? We take to dem interwebz to find out so you don’t have to bother.


This week Glasgow unveiled the rather unimaginative and slightly less stereotypical than expected mascot for the 2014 Commonwealth Games (Like the Olympics but only for countries we plucky Brits have raped and pillaged), a Thistle called Clyde. I have to admit to some slight disappointment as my entries for Angus the belligerent Haggis or Wee Jimmy the racist Sporran never even got a mention. This news got me to thinking what really are the worst mascots of all time? Check out these moronic contenders!

First up there is this sensational piece of work from Stanford University – Stanford Tree. Rather imaginatively this costume represents a tree on the college crest. If you ask me someone should cut the tree and idiot inside it down.

Stanford Tree

Then there are these two pieces of unimaginative tosh, from the 2012 Olympic Games I give you Wenlock and Mandeville who essentially look like two oversized gormless cartoon tampon’s.

Wenlock and Mandeville

 Barnsley FC seemed to have settled on a cuddly Trevor MacDonald for their mascot, fvck knows why he has some sort of gun on him though.

Toby Tyke

Moving away from the sporting arena there are many corporate mascots that are just as shit and even more annoying.

Remember Barry Scott ? That loveable rogue who just loved to shout his name dispersed with the word BANG? Well he is a cunt because thanks to his cult success we have this clown:

Go Compare Man

What has my research taught me? Pretty much every mascot in living history has been annoying, ill conceived and a good pass time for the local simpleton. With that in mind Clyde the Thistle fits the bill, well done Glasgow, well done.


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