If you take any pride in your life, then you more than likely read my article the other day about how much I fvcking hate Christmas, Father Christmas, Rudolph, the stains of society who trim up at a minimum of 5 weeks early, my parents for lying to me for 21 years, people who enjoy Christmas and how I can’t wait to show my younger relatives photos of toys exploding so that they cry and have a really bad time over the cunting festive period. If you don’t take pride in your life and are one of those people who walk around with shitty toilet paper trailing from their shoes, then you should read it instead of being a top-class wanker and you should always check your shoes before leaving the toilet.
So, yeah, I hate Christmas. I hate the shiny shop windows, the twinkling, sickly Christmas trees, the paedos who make money dressed as the old cunt – their cocks crusty and stiff when a kid sits on their lap, I hate Christmas dinner, I hate Christmas films, I hate people who compete with other saddos to see how many Christmas lights they can waste their electricity on, I fvcking despise snow and, most of all, I hate waking up Christmas morning with a raging hangover and hearing people shouting and laughing outside. It turns me sick, and I chunder mostly every morning but Christmas morning really gets my guts squirming and twitching like a glowworm.
Which is why this video has made me breath a sigh of elated relief. Basically, what happens is there’s a guy dressed as ol’ Nick and he’s been paid to/decided to abseil from a shopping centre’s roof while loads of people look on and cheer for him because their lives are that depleted of worthwhile activities that they need to waste as much time in their lives as possible. People are actually screaming for the guy, as if he’s about to give them a million quid or something. Disgusting. Anyway, as the guy abseils down the rope, his fake beard gets stuck and he can’t get any further down so he ruins everyone’s afternoon/night and he looks like a complete bellend just hanging from a rope for 40 minutes as little kids undoubtedly watch on and cry and rub their snobs all over their mother’s coats. He does get a cheer at the end, though. Probably because people get free mince pies or whatever as soon as he reaches the ground.
This is what Christmas is really about; people making complete pricks of themselves. 1.18 is where the action starts.