5IVE Are Reduced To Looking For A New Member Via Facebook

5ive Big Reunion

5ive were a pretty big boyband back in the late 90’s and now they’re back together. Unfortunately, J has decided not to join them so they’ve got to find that elusive 5th member and have posted a pretty desperate sounding message on Facebook to help them with this.

5ive Big Reunion

Remember 5ive? Sure you do. They were one of the 90’s most successful boybands. There was Abs, J, Ritchie, Sean and Scott and they had a bunch of awesome hits like Slam Dunk Da Funk, Keep On Movin and If Ya Gettin’ Down. They killed it with their unique mix of rapping, catchy choruses and wacky dancing. I don’t know why they didn’t continue but it sure was a bummer that they didn’t, although I stopped going to school discos before they split up so I didn’t really notice at all. But you know now I’m just kinda sad that there aren’t more 5ive tracks that I can blast on when I’m at a party that will get all the girls dancing because they wish they were still 15 and I only have a limited amount to go on.

But it might not be that way for long because it looks like 5ive are getting back together. Well, at least 4 of them are because it looks like J isn’t interested/is too old and fat to get back into it. You would have thought that if you were looking for another band member that 5ive might be able to use some of their industry contacts – they must have had some to be such a huge band right? – in order to find that elusive fifth member which is obviously 100% crucial for the boy band to work, but instead of doing that they’ve decided to put up a message advertising for a fifth member on Facebook. Yeah, on Facebook. Or at least that’s what Holy Moly are saying, I can’t actually find an official record of it on the 5ive Facebook page and Holy Moly are always making stuff up so it could just be bullshit. Either way it’s a pretty jokes message so it’s worth reposting:

“Looking for a member to join an established and extremely successful band. If you are male… late 20s early 30s, singer and/or rapper, great looks and swagga, inbox me… THIS COULD BE YOUR CALLING!”

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Everything about that statement is completely pathetic – I mean how many people say swagger these days (except for Cher Lloyd) and how many people spell it with an a? Also how many people in their late 20’s and early 30’s are seriously going to consider joining a boyband like 5ive? I guess the Take That and Steps reunions were fairly massive to be fair but I mean that was all original members, not some random guy picked out of obscurity to become a member of 5ive (although that does sound like an awesome idea for a reality TV show), I think it probably would have been more acceptable if they had just stolen a member of 911 or Another Level or someone else like that than resorting to posting that on Facebook. If it’s actually true that is eh Holy Moly?

It is true that 5ive are getting back together as part of some reality TV show where old pop groups get back together that has obviously been commissioned by ITV. To help with this (I guess?) 5ive and the remaning members have all got themselves twitter accounts (@5iveofficial)  so that they can be down with the kids/single moms on benefits who have nothing better to do all day than sit on twitter and tweet their celebrity crushes from when they were a teenager and this is probably where the two most embarrassing stories in this incident appear.

Firstly the twitter handles of the members of 5ive are all fairly terrible but special attention has to be drawn to Ritchie who has decided upon the handle @RagzToRichez which is something that a man over 30 should definitely not be doing. Putting a Z at the end of wordz instead of an S wasn’t even cool in the 90z bro, get a clue yeah? The second really embarrassing part is this tweet to Simon Cowell, who I guess created them or something?

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twitter 5ive Reunion Simon Cowell

To answer that question I’m pretty sure that Simon Cowell doesn’t give a toss about a 5ive reunion on ITV2 and he’s probably too busy making loads of money with One Direction or American Idol over in the states. Obviously the tweet didn’t get a reply, it got retweeted 22 times which is probably roughly how many people are going to tune into The Big Reunion when it goes on air later this month.

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