So chances are you’ve probably heard of that stupid book 50 Shades of Grey that’s like some kind of borderline erotic smut for middle aged women who have never had an orgasm. At least I think, I don’t really know because I haven’t read it and I don’t know anything about Christian Grey and I want to keep it that way, I mean it sounds fvcking terrible and really stupid from all the accounts I’ve read of it all over the internet – we did do a pretty awesome post about why it’s shit here called 50 shades of shit – and the thing started out as frickin’ Twilight fan fiction for fvck’s sake. No way am I going anywhere near that, no siree bob.
However, one good thing has managed to come out 50 Shade of Grey and that’s the 50 Shades of Andy Gray twitter feed. Whichever genius came up with this idea deserves a medal or something, although admittedly it’s probably not that hard to put a name in front of Gray to inspire hilarity. Unfortunately none of us did it and that’s why the 50 Shades of Andy Gray twitter feed as 30,000 followers and the Sick Chirpse twitter feed only has around 2000. I just tried doing it now and I could only come up with really shit characters anyway, like shit footballers like Julian Gray and Michael Gray, and Jean Grey from the X Men who is kinda hot admittedly but also kind of boring. And has also been dead for ages if you actually read the comic books. So yeah, I guess the guy who came up with the 50 Shades of Andy Gray twitter feed is in hindsight actually a genius.
What is the 50 Shades of Andy Gray twitter feed though I hear you ask? It’s basically a 50 Shades of Grey esque quote about sex (or what I imagine a 50 Shades of Grey esque quote would sound like) followed by one of Andy Gray’s trademark phrases in 140 characters or less. This actually leads to some serious laugh out loud (LOL) moments. Now that Andy Gray and Richard Keyes are (un) fortunately no longer on our TV and only on the radio – and nobody listens to the radio right? – you kind of forget how much of a complete bell end he was 100% of the time when when he was commentating. Well thankfully this twitter feed has arrived to serve as a (hopefully) permanent reminder of how big a twat one person can be. You’ll cringe as you relive some of his terrible ‘Grayisms’ like ‘take a bow son’ and ‘pick that one out.’ It really is depressing to think that we had to sit through 15 years of that bullshit. But yeah, check out a selection of my favourites 50 Shades of Andy Gray tweets below and check out the 50 Shades of Andy Gray twitter feed HERE.
‘She lay trembling, no one had ever screwed her like that. He lay over her panting body & looked at his throbbing sword “take a bow, son.”
‘Suddenly he stopped pounding her. Something was wrong. “Your condom” she said red faced “it came off in me.” He grinned “pick that one out!”
‘After the five hour romp, they shared a cigarette. “Was I any good?” she asked nervously. “You’d struggle on a cold night at The Britannia.”
‘He pushes her against the wall and rips her blouse open, revealing her heaving breasts. His eyes widen “Let’s see how the sides match up!”
‘”I’m not ready yet” she said but he hammered away mercilessly, until he burst inside her like a volcano “There’s no stopping those!” he said’
‘He enters her & sighs mournfully. Even his thick power rod finds her pink palace too large. “What’s up?” She asks. “I’m in acres of space.”
‘He belts her bits with his baton. She decides to slide her finger into his marmite mine. He stops. “You can’t go in from behind like that!”
‘Her tongue slides down his spam javelin, under his bag of balls, licking between his anus & nuts. “Played into the corridor of uncertainty.”
Props to Charlie Hallet for the tip.