Here’s a little bit about the 5 songs that I have heard enough of and hopefully you have too, if not I’m sure you will have in a couple of days.
If your not sick of them and are thinking, what the fvck is this guy on about I love these songs and can’t get enough of them, then I’m sorry but you can fvck off.
Here we go…
Merry Xmas Everybody – Slade
Now don’t get me wrong this is a classic Christmas song and the first time you here it each year it makes you want to put on a Santa hat on, dance around a bit and hug everyone, whilst wishing them merry Christmas. After the tenth time of hearing you want to burn that hat, jump up and down stamping your feet, punch everyone and shout bar humbug. The song is best remembered for lead singer Noddy Holder bellowing out Merry Christmas towards the end of the song. Yes we know Noddy you’ve been telling us every fvcking year since 1973.
Last Christmas – Wham
Last Christmas, last Christmas, he’s always going on about fvcking last Christmas, yet what’s George Michael’s doing for Christmas this year, that’s right he’s off on a Skiing holiday with friends again. When will he learn, he should fvck them lot, embark on a successful solo career, come out as gay, engage in lewd sex acts with undercover policeman in public toilets, do some class A’s and drive in to Snappy Snaps. Job done.
All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey
Now I used to quite like this song, but every year it get’s played more and more, I mean it’s fvcking everywhere. You here it on the radio, TV, every shop you walk in and they’re playing it. Random people coming up to you in the street and singing it in your face. I couldn’t believe it, the other day I bought a Christmas album and low and behold there it was again. If you’re that person who Mariah Carey wants soley for Christmas, make sure you do take along a few presents as well, because, although she sings that it’s just you she wants for Christmas you can’t help but think Mariah would kick off if she didn’t get a gift or two, perhaps a diamond necklace or Chanel no.5 perfume to avoid any tantrums on Christmas day. Bitch.
I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday – Wizzard
This isn’t a bad song and doesn’t piss me off as much as the others, but I’m not sure about this Christmas everyday malarchy. Yeah it would be fun for about a week but in the end you’d have people drinking excessively, lots of fat fucks stuffing their faces and mass unemployment. Hold on a minute that’s pretty much how it is anyway. As you were.
Step Into Christmas – Elton John
Each year Sir Elton invites us all to step into Christmas with him and last year I decided to take him up on his offer. I turned up around midday and was greeted by his partner David Furniss, I was then led into the living room where Elton, who already seemed to be off his face, was having his presents opened by staff. When Elton didn’t get the present he wanted he stormed off in a huff and didn’t return until dinner was served. Upon receiving his turkey, Elton then noticed he was missing a Brussel sprout and stormed off again with the huff. When he then returned 5 minutes later he complained that his dinner was cold. When we eventually got round to eating the Christmas dinner, instead of wearing Christmas hats we were made to wear these big silly glasses that kept slipping off and falling into my food. After dinner we had to sit and listen to Elton playing the piano and singing to us all night, have you heard this one, he’d say. When I tried to leave he begged me to stay, so eventually I gave in and stayed on the couch. The next day, Boxing day, he invited me along to watch his beloved Watford FC at Vicarage Road. When Watford could only manage a draw Sir Elton stormed off in a huff and left me in Watford on my own. Never again.
Roll on December 27th already.