A bunch of cool catz reckon the world is going to end on the 21/12/12. For you alcoholics out there or you wage slaves, this date is probably significant to you because it’s next Friday and is better known by the putrid masses as Black Friday – a day when nearly everyone (apart from the unfortunate or money-grabbers such as prostitutes, David Cameron, Mr. Internet, miserable bartenders, coppers etc) finishes work for the Christmas period and hits clubs, pubs, strip-bars, each other’s faces and gutters and then they wake up in their own or some fvcking munter’s bed, feeling like they’ve been chewing Susan Boyle’s farts all night and when they open their their wallet it’s as dry and empty as Michael Barrymore’s swimming pool.
You’re reading this article so I’m guessing you’re pretty clued up about The End Of The World (21/12/12). Either that, or you’re trying to make your cred ladder up by chatting to your mates or a potential shagging partner about the newest articles on Sick Chirpse. If it’s a shagging partner you’re after, then chatting to them about Sick Chirpse is a destined winner so keep on chatting. But, there’s also gonna be one or two idiots who haven’t got a fvcking clue what 21/12/12 is so here’s some brief info:
Thousands of years ago, before the internet and furbies, there was a bunch of so-called real intellectual dudes who were more psychic than Mystic Meg and they were called the Mayans. A lot of people who follow every trend and haven’t got an iota of individuality reckon the Mayans wrote a shitload of documents and essays about what they thought would happen to the world in the future and that those documents and thoughts have come true. Well, this is a load of bullshit because the Mayans made no predictions regarding ‘New Age’ events whatsoever. People reckon the Mayans predicted the rise of the Nazis, 9/11 and the Japanese tsunami, amongst other things, but next time someone says this to you tell them to fvck off and research things properly before they go out and start bumping their gums. The only thing the Mayans predicted was lunar and solar cycles and funky shit about planets and all that and I find that stuff boring so I’m not gonna go into it.
The only reason a lot of human-sheep are saying the world is going to end on 21/12/12 is because they’ve been fed spoonful after spoonful of lies and propaganda by TV and the internet and by slimy cunts who just want to get their paws on other people’s money. The only thing related to Mayan predictions and the end of the world is that the Mayan calendar restarts in 2012 and it’ll begin anew just like a clock moving from June 22nd 11.59pm, to June 23rd, 12am.
The Mayans divided 26,000 years into a ‘Great Age’ and then divided the Great Age into 5 World Ages. But, instead of the doom and gloom that surrounds the Mayans, they believed that these Ages held positive effects rather than the shower of shit that they’re associated with. A baktun is 144,000 days or 394.26 years and each of the 5 World Ages was further split into 12 individual baktuns. So each World Age would have 12 baktuns. As you can see, the Mayans loved their maths and even writing this is giving me a headache and wringing my hangover even tighter. The baktun we’re in now (1618AD – 2012AD) is the final, 12th baktun in the current Mayan World Age we’re chilling out in and it represents a shift in the spirit of humanity: this shift being the age of materialism and humanity forgetting our connection with nature and even though this isn’t necessarily an Age that holds humanity in high-esteem, in no way at all does it have any connotation of the world coming to a big fvcking abrupt end. The Mayans only counted up to 13 baktuns and as 2012 is weirdly the end of 13 baktuns, their calendar has to restart. Simple as that. There’s gonna be no streams of lava spouting up from your toilet, the sun isn’t gonna fall out of the sky, the air isn’t gonna turn into acid and we’re all not gonna turn into nests of bones and hair.
As I mentioned earlier, the Mayan calendar restarts in 2012 and the next baktun (which will be the first baktun in their restarted calendar) is called ‘ether’ and it represents things that aren’t physical in nature such as love, respect, sharing, gratitude and forgiveness. So it’s a pretty gay baktun we’re about to enter into and sounds as if the hippy era came about at the wrong time. So hopefully we can all take loads of acid and live in hallucinatory states for days on end.
Here’s a picture of the Mayan calendar. A pretty bit more tekkerz than the one you get with your Chinese takeaway, ain’t it?
So, yeah, don’t worry about 21/12/12. It’s just another day in just another week in just another month in just another year. Go and do whatever it is you do best: smoking, drinking, fvcking, fighting. All the bullshit you’ve heard is one of the biggest hoaxes the world has ever seen – almost as big as the Shannon Matthews case – and it’s just companies and people spreading lies like AIDS just so they can get a cheap bill.
Catch you on the flipside, I’ll be hanging out here.