You’ve probably heard by now that Playboy founder Hugh Hefner died earlier this morning at the age of 91 and your timeline has probably been inundated by a bunch of people you know posting about it saying stuff like ‘RIP wot a legend, wish I wiz im’.
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Yet it turns out that if you think about it for a second there wasn’t really anything that cool bout Hugh Hefner and all he did was make a whole bunch of money out of exploiting women, and then on top of that he acted like one of the creepiest, grossest men of all time and nobody really did anything about it because it was kind of kooky and flamboyant and the girls actually seemed like they were enjoying themselves. Well, it still kinda sucked and I hope that the practice doesn’t continue now that he’s dead.
In case you’re unconvinced of how much Hugh Hefner completely sucked, here are 14 facts about him that illustrate this fact:
1. The Playboy Bunny Initiation Involved Having Sex With Hugh
2. Being One Of Hef’s Girlfriends Is A Full Service Full Time Job
No ducking out on this one. Be it morning, afternoon or night, if Hugh feels like a blow job or some anal, then you have to get down on your knees or bend over.
Again, I don’t really feel like I need to explain why this is completely revolting behaviour.
3. Bunnies Get A $1000 A Week Clothing Allowance
You gotta look good for the main man Hugh, and that includes fancy underwear. Apparently if they spend any of this money on ANYTHING else then it’s an immediate boot out of the mansion. See ya bitch!
4. Girls Are There To Be Looked At, Not To Speak
Just standing around looking pretty is your ‘job’, nobody wants to hear your useless female opinion because it’s still 1963 in the PLayboy Mansion and Hugh Hefner’s world.
5. The Main Girlfriend Gets To Sleep In A Bed With Hugh
Lucky her! Bet it’s a lot of fun sharing a bed with an old guy who probably farts a lot. Bet he steals the covers too.
6. The Girls Can Only Use Expensive Cars, Jewellery Etc At The Mansion
You do get pretty much everything you want when you’re working as a Playboy bunny – be that expensive jewellery, cars or clothes BUT you can only use them whilst you’re staying at the mansion, and most of the time it has to be within the mansion grounds as well. Excellent.
7. There’s No Such Thing As Individuality In The Playboy Mansion
A former Playboy Bunny named Holly Madison stated that Hef specifically wanted the girls to be busty blondes with bright-blonde hair. Nothing else mattered, and you weren’t really allowed to speak so that was literally all you were. Fantastic.
8. The Inside Of The Mansion Is Kinda Gross
9. Plastic Surgery Is Free
10. Playboy Bunnies Weren’t Really Allowed To Talk To Anyone At Hef’s Parties
The Playboy Mansion parties have achieved legendary status in Hollywood and it really shows you that you’ve made it up there if you get invited to one. You would expect these to be a good time for the Playboy Bunnies to break out of their shells a bit and meet some great guys, but again you would be wrong – they just have to sit by Hugh the whole time and look good and not really say anything.
11. Bunnies Have To Bow To Hugh Hefner’s Routine
12. Activities Are Pre-Arranged For The Girls
If following Hugh Hefner’s strict routine wasn’t enough, then you’re also not allowed to plan anything out yourself and all your ‘activities’ are scheduled for you. You’re also not allowed to talk to any men who aren’t pre-approved by Hef during them. Sounds like a dream.
13. Bunnies Get a 9pm Curfew So No More Nights Out
14. Always Be Prepared
OK, so if all of that isn’t enough to convince you that Hugh Hefner was a pretty gross old dude who got away with a hell of a lot for some unknown reason, I don’t know what is.
Having said that, I’m fairly sure that I would have been seduced by that lifestyle if ever I had been ‘lucky’ enough to get invited to a party at the Playboy Mansion, even if just for a few hours. There’s such a legendary mystique about it and him, that there’s just no way I would have been able to turn it down, I admit it.
Thankfully I won’t ever have to now, but it’s still important to realise how dark and weird the whole concept of the place has been for all these years because I don’t think a lot of people realise it. Do your research.
For more Hugh Hefner, check out the 14 worst things about him as told by his ex wife. Yeah, there’s way more from where this article came from.