CHIRPSES

Turns Out Dinosaurs Looked Like Giant Chickens

New discovery suggests that Dinosaurs might have actually looked like fluffy death chickens.

New research has been announced to suggest that rather than the scary-ass, reptile looking dinosaurs you used to shit yourself about when you watched Jurassic Park, loads of different types of dinosaurs may have actually been fuzzy and feathered like birds.

Remember in Jurassic Park when the raptors get into the kitchen and they have turn the handle with their CLAW HANDS and the scientists are like ‘HOW DID THEY DO THAT?!’ and the raptors just don’t give a shit and start hunting those kids and like, totally subverting the hunter/animal dynamic and you just lost your shit?

Well imagine instead it’s a fuzzy, feathered raptor that looks more like a big beanie baby, except it would be totally inappropriate to sell this version to children on account of the spikey death hands.

Palaeontologists have deduced that there is a possibility that a whole bunch of different dinosaurs were ‘fuzzy’ and therefore a lot more adorable. This is due to a set of remains being discovered (pictured above) of species previously assumed to be featherless, with clear evidence of feathers. In Palaeontology circles that means shit just got blown wide open! Because of this Palaeontologists are saying that a whole bunch of other dinosaurs they assumed were scaly and weird, could also have had feathers. It’s even looking likely that a Tyrannosaur Rex could have been a cosy, warm, killing machine and old favourites like the stegosaurus might have been chilling permanently in winter jackets.

The dinosaur that the remains belong to is a type called Sciurumimus albersdoerferi, which sounds like a spell from Harry Potter or a Ukrainian builders last name. The first part of them name, Sciurumimus actually means ‘Squirrel Mimic,’ because the remains suggest this creature had a big bushy tail just like a squirrel. Hyde Park would be a lot more fun if these things were running around with their bushy tails scaring the shit out of people walking their dogs. Although instead of burying nuts it would probably be the mutilated corpses of children, so there’s always a downside.

Now I don’t know how they figure this stuff out from 150 million year old skeletons but sometimes I think the world is so sick you just don’t know what to say. One day CERN are finding the Higgs Boson particle and then the next people are announcing that dinosaurs looked more like this.

Than this.


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