It’s saturday night..Paddy McGuinness is at it again, whipping up the crowd with his boltonesque charm…’wey hey’, ‘woohoo’, ‘bish bash bosh’…he chats to the curvy dark haired Irish girl and pivots towards the camera and shouts  ‘rememeber..’NO PIKEY..NO LIKEY!!’…  It’s Gypsy Take Me Out!  Is this fantasy..well you never know..

The Gypsy is the ‘in’ thing..everyone’s been talking about it, everyone’s watched it..everyone wants one.. Justin Beiber is due to collaborate with one…it’s that popular.

How? The catalyst has been channel 4’s  ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding‘. A programme that is akin to watching a David Attenbourgh documentary about an alien species that we don’t know..its bloody fascinating.

So what is it about gypsies?

Well there is something about gypsies..it’s not a ‘jizz in the hair’ moment..its more deep than that…it’s the fact that they truly are ‘different’… Ok  perhaps this is starting to sound like a brown ‘Daily Mail loving’ Mein Kampf…but i mean this in the most polite way. Everyone’s different….that is the beauty of human beings..

its just that..they’re really different

‘different’ how asks the liberal PC tree-hugger..well for a start..

1) They live in caravans- by choice…this may be cool for the first 64 hours..but I’m pretty sure it will lose it’s novelty value. If you gave a Chilean miner a caravan, he would tell you to fvck off.

2) They don’t pay taxes…I think this is clever as fvck. It’s like playing monopoly and constantly getting good ‘chances’ and ‘community chests’….this explains the caravan as they’re constantly ‘rolling the dice’..so i understand now..

3) They participate in ‘grabbing’. What’s grabbing?  Grabbing involves a male selecting which girl gives him  a ‘semi’, and then frog-marching her to a secluded sport where they must ‘go with the flow’….its not rape..its grabbing….

We on the other hand..wine and dine a lady, deliberate how many ‘x’s to put at the end of a text and say things like ‘Oh my god!…my favourite colour is blue tooo….wow..its like… it’s meant to be!

But hey everyone’s different…Belgians are different to Bengalis despite the fact that its an anagram of each other…

I respect the fact that they have managed to uphold these ancient traditions..but with everything they have been influenced by everyday pop culture. For a start, the gypsy guys seem to think its  cool to sport a billy ray cirus hairdo….I like my early 90s music..but not that much. The girls on the other hand seem to think its attractive to dress like cheap Romanian prostitutes and bump and grind like an extra in a Christina Aguliera video..I like cheap Romanian prostitutes..but not that much (drum drum symbol) – but hey..either this is a conscience decision or too much ‘achy breaky heart’ and mtv base..no-one knows..that’s what’s fascinating.

Has this programme done the gypsy community any favours? Unfortunately I feel it has reinforced certain stereotypes about gypsies…but on the flip side, it shows everyday gypsies are comfortable and proud of who they are- which is awesome. The gypsies are here…let’s embrace this shit…Justin Beiber is.