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Top Five Incestuous Crimes

Fritzel

Five family fun crimes performed by five creepy whack jobs that you wouldn’t like to encounter in a dark alleyway.

To be perfectly clear, I don’t think that there is anything remotely ‘top’ about incestuous crime. What I mean is ‘five of the most heinous incestuous crimes performed by the lowest scum of the Earth bastard predators who deserve nothing but to be castrated with a blunt nail file and then fed their own minced testicles slowly through an intravenous drip and finally, buried alive under a nest of angry bull ants’. But it’s a bit too long for a title innit?

We all learned at a very young age that that kind of family fun was off limits. My parents would freak out if my brother and I licked the same lollipop. I remember the smack I got when I told someone at prep school that I had two boyfriends, Aladdin and my Dad. No wonder they made me change schools four times. Although parent-child and sibling-sibling relations are now a complete universal no-no, in Ancient-Egypt it was once the done thing in order to perpetuate royal lineage. Incestuous marriages were also common in ancient Korea and Japan and during some Roman periods. However they always kept a bunch of spare crowns in storage incase whatever eventuated from brother-sister sex happened to grow two heads.

Without a royalty card to play are these grim, grim people, whose horrendous crimes against nature have sent shivers down the spine of society not to mention completely ruined the lives of their victims. These utter pieces of shit undoubtedly all deserve to be sentenced to a humiliating public execution aired on Channel 4 before Come Dine With Me.


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