CHIRPSES

Ridiculous Tour Riders

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Fame generally means you can get what you want, when you want. Some of these prima donnas really take the piss when it comes to their diva demands, from certain coloured foods to photos of Princess Diana and dictating who can make eye contact with them and when.

Here’s a good example of being a prick coming back to bite you in the ass, or more accurately, slash your hand open. Back in the day, Mötley Crüe’s rider requested local AA meeting schedules, a sub-machine gun, a 12-foot boa constrictor and -most importantly- a jar of ‘Grey Poupon’ mustard. In 1988, MC frontman Vince Neil found the wrong mustard backstage, saw red and launched the bottle at the wall. It bounced back and severed an artery in his thumb. I thoroughly enjoyed this story, a classic case of ‘der ner ner ner ner’ you rich talented bastard.

As shite in the head as some of the above seem, there’s a good approach to the ridiculous-rider-game being taken by some. Marilyn Manson requests a bald, toothless hooker, Hank III has asked for a great white shark, The Bloodhound Gang once asked for a rhesus monkey, Iggy and the Stooges wanted ‘One monitor man who speaks English who is not afraid of death’ and ‘Seven dwarves, dressed up as those dwarves out of that marvelous Walt Disney film…’ and Slayer win the piss-take with demands of ‘100 snow-white goats for slaughter, a Halaal butcher to slaughter the goats and freezer bags and coolers to preserve the goat meat’. If I ever get famous I’m demanding three hundred Snickers bars without nuts, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and the Lochness Monster.

☛ More: Will Smith Turns Up Unannounced To Party And Drops An Impromptu Freestyle


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